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Twins Commit Regicide, Topple King Felix, 7-2

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King Felix got roughed up by the worst team in baseball because you were on your way to the cabin and don't even know it happened until you got a good wi-fi signal in Osakis or wherever just now.

YOU WANT SOME OF THIS, MLB.  GUESS WHAT YOU DON'T.
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS, MLB. GUESS WHAT YOU DON'T.
Jennifer Buchanan-USA TODAY Sports

Pat Dean vs. Felix Hernandez did not inspire confidence on a late Friday night.  Nor should it have, but not in the way you'd think.

The worst team in baseball got to Hernandez early, Dean was ruthlessly competent, and the Twins cruised to a rare, easy, 7-2 victory in Seattle.

The usual bullshit seemed to be in effect early, as Franklin Gutierrez belted a sweet solo dong in the first to give the Mariners the lead.

But Miguel Sano countered in the top of the next inning, with a frankly delightful moon shot to tie the game. And the Twins were not done, somehow.

The third inning saw Minnesota take full advantage of an off-night for one of the league's very best, putting five runs across the plate.  Key events:

  • Run-scoring Brian Dozier double.
  • Joe Mauer RBI single.
  • All-Star-to-be Robbie Grossman's 2-run ground-rule double.
  • Weird ball that Byung Ho Park hit off his foot that the umpire incorrectly said was a live ball that scored an alert Trevor Plouffe from third.
Unlike his fellow starters in 2016, Dean took his good fortune and friggin' ran with it.  Seven innings, eight Ks, two walks.  Pat Dean!  And the Mariners are legitimately good!  Who knew?

The Twins closed the game with a Mauer oppo dong and scoreless relief innings from Ryan Pressly and Brandon Kintzler, who is definitely a guy on the team.

It wasn't all rainbows and non-yellow Starbursts for the Twins, as Trevor Plouffe was pulled from the game after being one of the few people to not get on base in the third inning.  The team said it was a mild MCL sprain, and he's day-to-day.

Studs:
  • Pat Dean!  He beat Felix Hernandez!  First MLB win!  Holy butts!
  • Miguel Sano.  He hit a dinger, and was close to a second.
  • Joe Mauer.  He followed up his RBI single with an oppo solo dong in the seventh.
Duds:
  • Felix Hernandez.  Dude, the Twins ran you.

ROBOT ROLL CALL


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Source: FanGraphs

Enjoy your weekend, everybody.