Justin Morneau signs with White Sox

News came out yesterday afternoon that the White Sox cut Mat Latos and signed themselves a new first baseman. That baseman's name? Justin Morneau.

I want to die.

Okay. I don't actually want to die, but this seems pretty bad. I had the great privilege of attending the 2014 MLB All-Star Game fan fest (4 days in a row!), the All-Star Game, and the Home Run Derby. Seeing Justin Morneau at the home run derby was one of the greatest privileges of my life.

I don't want to say this, but I will: I hope you crush it, Justin Morneau.