Park Bang! Park Bang! Cue the music!
Byung-Ho Park's fourth-inning dinger put your Twins (they ain't mine, I disown them) up 3-0, and given that Ricky Nolasco was channeling his non-sucky alternate identity (named, oddly by my lights, "FunkitudityEWF76"), it seemed like the Twins had a chance at winning this game.
If you thought that, are You Even A Twins Fan?
Of course, Buddy Boshers (heretofore yet to surrender an ER this year) would come in to relieve Nolasco after seven strong, schizophrenic innings. Of course Boshers would allow a one-out runner. And of course KEVIN JEPSEN THE ANTICHRIST would let Carlos Beltran tie everything up with a gopher ball.
I mean, c'mon. These games are like screenplays written via the Syd Field template. Obstacles to overcome, eventual triumph, etc., etc.
In inning numero nine-o, the Twins bullpen did what it does, and homers by Eduardo Escobar / Kurt Suzuki weren't enough to tie the lead later. Box score here if you want it.
Yes, I stole the theme for this recap from Randball's Stu. Who doesn't steal from Stu? It's like stealing from Newton when you write physics equations, it's allowed. Also, the f***er owes me money.
Your studs for the game are Twins players who hit dingers. Your duds are the pitching staff, front office, and all the fans in the stands who didn't have enough Team Spirit. Screw you folks, stay home next time.
Tune in tomorrow for Ervin Stanozolol against something called Nathan Eovaldi. If you're masochistic. I don't judge.
Robot Roll Call:
|14||less cowbell, more 'neau||4|