clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Twins to Open Summer Camp for Idle Children

The TC Bear Summerland Adventure Quest is slated to open later this month.

tc bear, before he tried to feast on the flesh of children
tc bear, before he tried to feast on the flesh of children
Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports

With the school year done for many students, working parents are left to find activities for their idle children.  And the Minnesota Twins are here to help.

"Our ‘TC Bear Summerland Adventure Quest' will thrill kids and aid parents on those long summer days," said Twins president Dave St. Peter.

The camp will be open at Target Field every weekday from 6 AM to 7 PM.

"We have a lot of exciting activities lined up for your sons and daughters," said St. Peter.  "Concessions, groundskeeping, laundry, all in the comfort of one of the best stadiums in America."

During games, they will be confined to the batter's eye and home bullpen areas. The team tested it out with a group of children last week and the results were termed "better than we could have hoped for."

"They only got barfed on once by an overserved commercial realtor up top," said a team source.  "And we honestly don't care if the bullpen guys complain.  Pitch better and we'll put ‘em on the Light Rail to the MOA or something.  Until then, you better play Legos with Carter and Ashleigh, Boshers."

The per-day cost hasn't been determined yet, but will be set after a look at ticket sales for the next homestand.

"Preliminary numbers being what they are, I'm not going to lie: It is going to cost you," said one front office source.  "Shoulda gone to the games if you wanted a cheaper way to get out of caring for your precious angels so you could get weekday shithoused at Gluek's. Get out the checkbook."

The source shot down any speculation over the Twins adding a day care option for toddlers and infants.

"Yeah, when we had the test group here, TC tried to eat the babies, and he had to be put down. We've been assured the new TC no longer thinks he is an actual bear, but is just a friendly person in a bear suit.  That said, we want agile kids that can hustle if there's another Code Oso."

The camp is expected to open later this month.