Colonel Theofanopolous in Space

Thanks to myjah's wonderful farm reports, I am aware of this fine young candidate for space travel. Actually, I'd heard of him before, most recently as Seth Stoh's Minor League Relief Pitcher of the Month over at TD. For what it is worth, myjah, it seems as though Seth catches a lot of flak from a vocal minority of commenters over there for his not-completely-negative outlook on baseball. Actually, not so much flak, as condescending snark, but whatever. TT should trade with TD for Seth. What would it take? They'd probably want Stu, which would be an overpay. I'd probably part with Bryz and a couple of lower-level commenters, though. (Just kidding Andrew!) The point being that running an internet site for sane people is probably a niche market.

Anyway, here is why I would choose Michael Theofanopolous to go to space:

He went toCal-Berkeley. Might have even studied Rocket Science. Probably has buddies at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Uses math and physics to actually get people out, not just to talk about how other people are or aren't getting people out.

Being in Cedar Rapids, around farmers and whatnot I incorrectly assume, he has probably been using his spare time to figure out how to grow potatoes in his own poop, like that guy on "The Martian." Pretty handy skill to have in a space pilot, besides the whole not bouncing into a supernova thing. (Oh-so subtle Idaho/Iowa joke there. Nothing against Iowans, but we Idahoans bristle at the mixup. Kind of like Irish and Scots--see minute 2:40 of this.

He has the almost the same last name as the banjo-bodied super computer that rode around on Twiggy's belly on "Buck Rogers." (edit*) Just googled it. Apparently, it wasn't "Twiggy," but rather "Twiki." Twiki was an "ambuquad," which was the Buck Rogers version of a droid. Twiggy was something else. Super-model nickname? Guy from "Happy Days?" A description of someone on meth that combines twitchy and wiggy, which is actually the same as saying someone is tweaky.? Weird. And lastly,

He's already a Kernel, so he won't have to work his way up the ranks. [drops mic]