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Scenes from an All-Star Break, Vol 1

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Sometimes there’s no baseball, and Eduardo Nunez is your only representative at the All-Star Game. These are their stories.

87th MLB All-Star Game
Honestly, Eduardo should have won MVP for this sick ass double play.
Photo by Denis Poroy/Getty Images

SCENE: Monday. Home clubhouse at Petco Park. EDUARDO NUNEZ enters, wearing an overly stuffed backpack.

EDUARDO NUNEZ [to everyone]: Hola everybody!

No one acknowledges Nunez. He shrugs it off and begins looking around the clubhouse for his locker. He can't find it.

NUNEZ: Hey, where's my locker?

No one responds. Nunez turns around in circles looking at everyone. He finally sits down on a chair in the middle of the locker room, takes his backpack off, and pulls out a Lunchables. He begins to eat it, looking around the room smiling. DAVID ORTIZ walks by.

NUNEZ: Lunchable?

David Ortiz does not acknowledge the offer. Nunez shrugs and goes back to eating.


SCENE: Monday, still. Batting practice before the Home Run Derby at Petco Park. Nunez, despite not being a participant in the Home Run Derby, is walking around with three bats in his hand, swinging them occasionally and smiling to himself.

NUNEZ: Baby I’m a star!

GIANCARLO STANTON: Wait, huh? Were you saying something to me?

Nunez, “acting” like he didn’t hear Gincarlo, continues to swing his bats and mumble to himself.


SCENE: Tuesday. All-Star Game, bottom of the 5th inning.

NED YOST: Hmmm... Nunez?

Yost half-heartedly bends back and forth as he looks down the bench for the American League team. Nunez is nowhere to be seen.

NED YOST: Nunez? Hurmf... LINDOR! Get out there!


SCENE: Bathroom stall in the Petco home clubhouse during the All-Star Game. Nunez is sitting on the toilet reading a copy of the National Enquirer. Honestly, he's doing this because he wants to. Nunez doesn't really care about David Ortiz retiring, or even about the All-Star Game at all. At least not right now while he’s trying to do his business.

Nunez licks his finger and turns the page.