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Twins Get It On Rangers Pen, 17-5

The Twins used up all their offense for the remainder of 2016.

Prince didn't slide for this.
Prince didn't slide for this.
Jeffrey Becker-USA TODAY Sports

Pity Rangers starter Chi-Chi Gonzalez. When a usually-sharp Texas defense played Twins circus baseball to begin the game, Gonzalez was yanked after 0.2 IP, 4 R, 3 ER. (Walking notoriously impatient Danny Santana didn't help inspire confidence in manager Jeff Banister's heart.) And then Gonzalez got to sit on the bench and watch THIS nightmare.

(He had to be thinking, "no way I could have done worse ...")

It got so ridiculous that in the fifth, with the Twins up by 10, radio crank Dan Gladden criticized Joe Mauer for not tagging and advancing on a Brian Dozier based-loaded sac fly. Rangers CF Ian Desmond missed the cutoff man, you see, and so Mauer should have headed to third with one out, okay, just to give the next batter an easy RBI chance, amIrite?

That next batter, Max Kepler, promptly hit a HR (his second of the day), getting much RBI anyoo. So nyah-nyah, Answer Man!

Your final line for Kepler: 2-5, 0 SO, 7 RBI (the last a Twins rookie record.) For Eduardo Nunez, 4-5, 3 R, 2 RBI, 0 SO. Your final line for the Rangers bullpen: 7.1 IP, 11 H, 13 R, 13 ER, 6 BB, 5 SO, 3 HR. This includes third-string catcher Bryan Holaday's 1.1 IP and 0 anything else.

Twins starter Tyler Duffey was good enough not to lose this one, and bad enough to lose if it were a normal Twins game: 6.0 IP, 8 H, 4 ER, 0 BB, 2 SO. Kevin Jepsen came in for the ninth and did not give up 12 runs.

Eduardo Escobar pulled a hammy sliding into home during the first inning. He's day-to-day, which tells us nothing.

Your COTG exchange is here and really deserves to be read (it's only three comments long.) Robot Roll Call:

# Commenter # Comments
1 ilovechi-chis 30
2 Devereaux 19
3 sioux1337 19
4 Brandon Brooks 15
5 Daniel Carlson 10
6 less cowbell, more 'neau 10
7 wayback 9
8 Hayden A 8
9 kenzertz 8
10 myjah 6
11 Name-Game 5
12 NoahRJ 2
13 Desert Aaron 2
14 Dave Wales 2
15 twinssdfan 1
16 Asthix 1