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Farm Report: Palka Party And The Correct Way To Handle Rainy Games

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A recap of the Twins' minor league affiliates' results from August 14th, 2016.

"Almabtrieb," the Bavarian equivalent to a State Fair. With, assuredly, more beer.
"Almabtrieb," the Bavarian equivalent to a State Fair. With, assuredly, more beer.
Alexandra Beier/Getty Images

Makeup Doubleheader DEATHMATCH

AAA: Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders 4, Rochester Red Wings 0

Not so much offense, as you can see. LHP David Hurlbut hurled his posterior off, allowing four runs and ten baserunners -- but he did get through six innings in his AAA debut, showing Grit. Rochester got some guys on base in the first few frames, but nah.

[Box Score]

Red Wings 4, RailRiders 3

Hopefully Rochester fans gave some hearty applause for the RailRiders starting first baseman, Chris Parmelee! And then bigger applause for mighty mighty RF Daniel Palka's RBI double and lead-saving big fly. Another game, another AAA pitching debut, this one for 27-year old Omar Bencomo, who got the job done right. johnryanmurphy is batting .214 and had two hits OMG!!! You have GOT TO see this photo of Palka! It's like, his OFFICIAL TEAM PHOTO. Daniel must have been feeling all sexy sexy that day.

[Box Score]

AA: Chattanooga Lookouts 8, Birmingham Barons 3

Long night in Birmingham. No extra innings, but there were five pitching changes. Three by the Lookouts, after starter Ryan Eades threw 79 and didn't finish the fourth. But he did have seven strikeouts. A work in progress, as they say. Barons starter James Dykstra (NOT son of Lenny) gave up nine hits to hot Lookouts bats. SS Heiker Meneses was really feelin' the flow, as he and 1B T.J. White had three hits each. Time of game: 3h 12m. That's a looong minor-league game.

[Box Score]

High A: Ft. Myers Miracle 11, Bradenton Marauders 9

Or, maybe not. This one was 3h 28 m, with seven pitching changes. Miracle LHP Sam Clay was walking on eggshells, not water, as he gave up eight hits and six earned runs in four innings. Down 8-6 late, the Ft. Myers comeback win was helped by SS Nick Gordon, RF Joe Maloney, and 2B Tanner Witt, with three hits apiece. OF (DH this game) Tanner English added a solo dong.

[Box Score]

Low A: Kane County Cougars 5, Cedar Rapids Kernels 1

22-year old RHP Tyler Beardsley (and his pubescent mustache) did alright, striking out five in five and allowing two runs. Usually solid reliever Michael Cederoth got wailed on, and the Angry Corn offense was more like happy, contented Orville Redenbacher on Sunday. Your swingin' star was probably 2B Luis Arraez, who had two hits, is 19 years old, and at a healthy 5' 10" weighs all of 155 pounds. I could lift that guy. I'd throw out my spine forever, but I could.

[Box Score]

Rookie: Elizabethton Twins 5, Bluefield Blue Jays 1: GAME SUSPENDED

Man, the Twins get screwed AGAIN because of rain? Not so fast, mi amigos. They are more civilized in the Rookie League, and play will resume today exactly where it left off, with one out in the top of the fourth. Probably with different pitchers, though, so baby Twin Miguel De Jesus will have to watch the rest in the swank comfort of a rookie-league dugout. 1B Lewin Diaz and LF Shane Carrier will get to continue their HR derby; each had a dong here.

[Partial Box Score]