:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/50431761/165996273.0.jpg)
If you frequent this website, or heck, even ever just heard of it, you know that we are a never-ending spout of Nick Punto jokes. Particularly, Nick Punto sliding head first into things jokes. They just never get old (and if you disagree... why are you still here? Seriously. Why are you reading this?)
When Bahamian Shaunae Miller dove over the finish line to win the Women’s 400 meters at the Olympics on Monday night, it set off all kinds of alarms at the Twinkie Town underground vault where the Nick Punto Strategic Joke Reserve is kept. The only problem is we couldn’t reach that protected reserve before life, somehow... found a way.
That’s because right after Miller’s dive, LNP tweeted this:
Take that sports science! Jk John. Kinda. https://t.co/s0DDWzQvj9
— Nick Punto (@Shredderpunto) August 16, 2016
As if that wasn’t enough, he then added:
But I've always said if there was a swimming pool at the end of the track you would see people dive and not stride into the pool.
— Nick Punto (@Shredderpunto) August 16, 2016
I am literally not making this up (or, at least, not this time).
In what will likely earn him a Pulitzer, John Shipley of the Pioneer Press actually called Punto to ask him about the Olympic dive the next day. “It was a relief that somebody got to see that,” Punto told Shipley. Then, regarding his second tweet about diving into a pool, Punto added, “The only reason you wouldn’t dive into that pool is because you didn’t want to break your neck.”
Nick went on. “I dove head-first because I wasn’t worried about killing myself.”
How is this real life?! Why are our jokes so scarily accurate over and over? Are they trolling us? Nick Punto—are you reading this right now? (If you are reading this, Nick, can we do the most freaking epic interview of all time sometime?!)
In a pretty cool move, though, Punto went on to comment about Twins fans in particular:
“People from around the country don’t know it, but Twins fans are die-hard,” [Nick] said. “You don’t realize it until you run into one at the grocery store; they know everything about you and what’s going on in the season. They’re sneaky, passionate fans. I played in St. Louis and Boston, places notorious for their fans, but the people in Minnesota are something else.”
Little Nicky Punto—you’re something else too.
Be sure to read John Shipley’s entire piece, “Olympian’s gold-medal ‘dive’ sweet validation for Nick Punto” here.