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Farm Report: Park Bang, Defensive Problems, A Baby Beat-Down

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A recap of the Twins' minor league affiliates' results from August 5th, 2016.

This winged conqueror has vanquished his porcine opponents.
This winged conqueror has vanquished his porcine opponents.
Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images

AAA: Rochester Red Wings 3, Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs 2

An eighth-inning solo dong from 박병호 put Rochester up for good, beating, and I repeat, I'm not making this up, the LEHIGH VALLEY IRON PIGS. Nick Greenwood (no relation to Lee, or I disown him eternally) pitched seven solid, recent acquisition Pat Light got the save. HO PARK HO!

[Box Score]

AA: Jacksonville Suns 7, Chattanooga Lookouts 1

Someone has to take the fall for this one. Aaron Slegers gave up four runs, none earned -- but dang, my friend, four runs, I'm looking at you. Or SS Engelb Vielma / 1B Mitch Garver for the errors. Heads have gotta roll, people. Accountability. Per the anonymous recapper, the Lookouts are tied for second in their division with the Montgomery Biscuits. Really, Montgomery. You didn't think to add "& Gravy" to that? Shame.

[Box Score]

High A: Ft. Myers Miracle 5, Charlotte Stone Crabs 1

Apparently Chris Paul isn't just a brilliant Los Angeles Clippers point guard THE BLAZERS SHOULD HAVE SO DRAFTED WITH ONE OF THEIR TWO PREVIOUS PICKS BUT DIDN'T WAIT THIS IS SOUNDING FAMILIAR, he's also an outfielder in Fort Meyers. Talented, he is. And whomped a 3-run dong, which was more than Miracle pitchers Cody Stashak, Michael Theofanopoulos, and Nick Anderson needed. Wait? Nick Anderson again? Somebody stop NBA players from invading High A!

[Box Score]

Low A: Clinton LumberKings 7/5, Cedar Rapids Kernels 3/3

The first game was completed from yesterday, so the second one was a seven-inning affair. In the second, most Minnesota-named player ever Miles Nordgren gave up eight hits and five runs (three earned) in five innings. Which also makes him a perfect Minnesota player. RF Dalton Kelly had two hits and is batting .281.

[Box Score/Box Score]

Rookie: Elizabethton Twins 14, Johnson City Cardinals 1

Before I looked at the final score in this one, I looked at the box score, and whenever you see players with 6 ABs you know, "oh that ain't good." And it wasn't. Names will be omitted herein to protect the innocent Baby Cardinals. For the Baby Twins, SS Brandon Lopez, 3B Travis Blankenhorn, and 1B Lewis Diaz each had three hits. Other guys had two or one. It was a paddlin'.

[Box Score]