Opponent SB Site: DRays Bay
So the Minnesota Twins are playing the Tampa Bay Rays today. I guess the Twins are named after the Twin Cities, and their names are "Minnie" and "Paul." C'mon, Minnesota. Your state has a rich Scandinavian/German heritage, and you couldn't name your logos "Annika" and "Inga"? Put one in a ski costume, the other as a buxom barmaid? You disappoint me.
The Rays have Chris Archer pitching today. He's been a disappointment to the family, I won't lie -- baseball is boring, and the beer vendors sell alcohol that's less flavorful than Kool-Aid, but he does throw a 94 MPH fastball, 87 slider, and 86 change. He's not unskilled. Cousin Chris, you could have gone into a real career like building demolition, but you are adequately gifted at the job you do.
His mound opponent (phrasing!) is Jose Berrios, a Twins rookie. Who's struggled occasionally and sometimes dominated foes. Shit, buddy, who doesn't get lazy sometimes and then kick some ass? I feel ya, pal. Or should I say, "hombre." Is that what they say? I'm not sure what the lingo is in Dominican Paraguay or, wherever. (BUUURP)
|ERA||H/9||K/9||BB/9||HR/9||OPS v L/R||BAbip||FIP|
|Archer||4.38 ||8.6 ||10.5 ||3.4 ||1.4 ||.741/.736 ||.311 ||4.02 |
|Berrios||8.57 ||10.7 ||10.7 ||5.1 ||2.1 ||.847/1.079 ||.370 ||5.84 |
Yeah, those Berrios numbers are bad, but he'll be alright. Man has 10.7 K/9, he's fine. And yes, I checked to see if I typed 10.7 in two sections by accident. I'm drunk, not stupid. I can still tell the difference between brandy and cognac. What, you don't know what the difference is? Do I have to explain everything to you? It has to do with the grapes and distilling and -- hang on, I'm not explaining this shit right now. Enjoy the game.
|Sexy Twins||Devil Rays|
|Brian Dozier, 2B ||Logan Forsythe, 2B |
|Joe Mauer, 1B ||Kevin Kiermaier, CF |
|Max Kepler, RF ||Evan Longoria, 3B |
|Miguel Sano, DH ||Brad Miller, SS|
|Eddie Rosario, CF ||Nick Franklin, LF |
|Eduardo Escobar, SS||Corey Dickerson, DH|| |
|Jorge Polanco, 3B||Steven Souza Jr., RF|
|Kurt Suzuki, C||Tim Beckham, 1B |
|Danny Santana, LF ||Bobby Wilson, C |