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Tampa Bay Rays 7, Minnesota Twins 3: Pitching, Offense Struggle

Yeah, it weren't pretty. Pretty is overrated. I ain't pretty. Judge me by my looks, do you? And well you should not. For my ally is the Metropolitan Mosquito Control District. And a powerful ally it is. (Note: I am not allied with them)

Nick Franklin died for your sins. Give some respect, people.
Nick Franklin died for your sins. Give some respect, people.
Brian Blanco/Getty Images

Jose Berrios pitched five innings and gave up four runs, all earned. The Twins lost, 7-3. There ya go, headline, brief first paragraph, search engine optimization (which is a real thing.) Not much different, I imagine, than how old-school writers did the "inverted pyramid" lead, which is also a thing.

Berrios wasn't at his best, I think, because you lazy f**ks haven't figured out whether to pronounce his name "Berry-Ose" or "Bear-RE-us" and we sure ain't gonna learn it correctly from Dick & Dan & Bert. Maybe some of you, and Cory Provus, know how the name is correctly pronounced. In which case, share please, and share repeatedly. Most of us are dumb Anglos who don't know from shit when it comes to other languages/cultures.

Anyhoo, Berrios struck out four and only walked one, so, as Sterling Archer suspected, he's prolly gonna be fine. What we want from Berrios right now is to keep the strikeouts up and keep the walks down; the rest is gravy. Give it to Archer; he's a rabidly horrible person, but he ain't dumb. And his co-workers are all rabidly horrible people, too, so you get along to go along.

Evan Longoria and Steven Souza, Jr. both went 2-3. I was curious whether the SB auto-tag software would recognize how I punctuated Souza, Jr. Nope! Tried it a few different ways, too, no dice. Computers, amirite?