Game CXXXIV: Blanched Paw Covers at Twins

First Pitch: 7:10 pm CT

TV: FSN

Radio: Go 96.3 FM, TIBN

Know Thine Enemy: South Side Sox

Weather: Solar Flares, 472°F*

Big deal. So what if our Twins have lost 13 games in a row? It's just a number and numbers suck. Plus the Anemic Hoof Sacks just got swept themselves by Detroit. I've waited over a forknight for this, so today is a good day to see Dan Carlson's "Congrats on 50 Twinkie wins" picture.

Ervin "Magic" Santana (RHP, 6-10, 3.54 ERA) will pitch for the Twins. Ervin has a 2.36 ERA over his last 12 starts and 3.86 ERA against the Milky Hued Knee Highs this year. In his last game against them, he gave up six hits, two walks and one ER while striking out five in 6.0 IP.

Jose Quintana (LHP, 11-9, 2.77 ERA) will pitch for the Sockos Blancos. Don't let that ERA fool you, because it's true, he's really good this year. The good news is Joe Mauer has hit .324 in 34 AB with two HR and Brian Dozier has hit four HR off of him.

Last week I made fun of the Pasty Foot Bags stadium getting renamed after a mortgage company with an unfortunate logo for both baseball and mortgages.

Guaranteed Rate Field? Seriously @whitesox? https://t.co/gBk04vC5J1

— Paul Jacobs (@PaulJacobsMedia) August 30, 2016

Then I made the mistake of asking myself whether another financial crisis like 2007-2008 could ever happen again and looking into it. Trust me, take the blue pill on that one. Anyway, corporate naming rights suck. Does anybody else remember Target Field was almost called Puckett Field? The hell with it, I'm still going to laugh at Guaranteed Rate Field for the next 13 years (or until the financial apocalypse) anyway.

GO TWINS GO!!!

*WEATHER UPDATE: Sunny, 70°F