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Game CXXXIV: Blanched Paw Covers at Twins

The Eggshell Toe Cozies (63-69) come to town to try to win a game against the Twins (49-84).

Southpaw and T.C. Bear in happier times.
Southpaw and T.C. Bear in happier times.
Mike Stobe/Getty Images

First Pitch: 7:10 pm CT
Radio: Go 96.3 FM, TIBN
Know Thine Enemy: South Side Sox
Weather: Solar Flares, 472°F*

Big deal. So what if our Twins have lost 13 games in a row? It's just a number and numbers suck. Plus the Anemic Hoof Sacks just got swept themselves by Detroit. I've waited over a forknight for this, so today is a good day to see Dan Carlson's "Congrats on 50 Twinkie wins" picture.

Ervin "Magic" Santana (RHP, 6-10, 3.54 ERA) will pitch for the Twins. Ervin has a 2.36 ERA over his last 12 starts and 3.86 ERA against the Milky Hued Knee Highs this year. In his last game against them, he gave up six hits, two walks and one ER while striking out five in 6.0 IP.

Jose Quintana (LHP, 11-9, 2.77 ERA) will pitch for the Sockos Blancos. Don't let that ERA fool you, because it's true, he's really good this year. The good news is Joe Mauer has hit .324 in 34 AB with two HR and Brian Dozier has hit four HR off of him.

Last week I made fun of the Pasty Foot Bags stadium getting renamed after a mortgage company with an unfortunate logo for both baseball and mortgages.

Then I made the mistake of asking myself whether another financial crisis like 2007-2008 could ever happen again and looking into it. Trust me, take the blue pill on that one. Anyway, corporate naming rights suck. Does anybody else remember Target Field was almost called Puckett Field? The hell with it, I'm still going to laugh at Guaranteed Rate Field for the next 13 years (or until the financial apocalypse) anyway.


Today's Lineups

Adam Eaton - CF Brian Dozier - 2B
Tim Anderson - SS Joe Mauer - 1B
Melky Cabrera - LF Trevor Plouffe - 3B
Jose Abreu - 1B Miguel Sano - DH
JUSTIN MORNEAU!!! - DH Jorge Polanco - SS
Todd Frazier - 3B Max Kepler - RF
Avisail Garcia - RF Kurt Suzuki - C
Alex Avila - C Eddie Rosario - LF
Tyler Saladino - 2B Byron Buxton - CF
Jose Quintana - LHP Ervin Santana - RHP