Low A: Clinton 6, Cedar Rapids Nil
Your beloved Kernels, first Twins-related baseball team to reach the playoffs in 100 years,* fell one step closer to Eternal Shame on Sunday, losing to the Clinton LumberKings 0-6. The teams face off today at 6:30 PM, with the winner declared Western Division Champions and the loser killed.
Angry Corn starter Sam Gibbons and his stupid mustache struggled badly; four of the six hits he allowed were doubles. Hence, 6 LumberKing runs. Meanwhile, no Kernel got more than a single (although "Buffy" unicycle enthusiast Zander Wiel had two of those). The Clinton pitcher and Nicaraguan native Kevin Gadea had 11 strikeouts, exacting revenge on us gringos for the video game "Contra."
Cool thing I discovered yesterday: you can listen to these games on yer electronic dingus! If you have the MiLB app, and you touch the little headphone icon, you get the radio station. Regional blackout restrictions apply, natch, so you wouldn't get the game in Iowa. I'm sure this the only downside to living in Iowa. That, and the blood-crazed robot army.
The myriad hordes who breathlessly await these Farm Reports may wonder, why do I call Cedar Rapids the Angry Corn? Because that's their logo. It is a corn, and it is sneeringly cross. Do not perturb this corn. It will fuck your shit up.
(*) -- Time since last playoff appearance estimated by Feel.