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Tigers 8, Twins 1: Intense Pain

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Everyone focus on your breathing.

Detroit Tigers v Minnesota Twins
“I’m Robbie F-in Grossman and I’m somehow too good for this team!”
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

The Twins did really bad today. Just how bad you theoretically ask for the sake of the flow of this recap? To answer that properly, let me give you a short rundown of my day.

I woke up at 3 in the AM and spent the next 5 hours writhing in pain on the floor, eventually looking dead enough to get a one hour ambulance ride to the closest hospital where they proceeded to stick me with a wonderful cornucopia of needles. Now I get to have surgery later because me and my gall bladder are no longer on speaking terms.

I say this not for sympathy, but so you know just how much I mean it when I say the following: The Twins game was still the most painful part of my day.

If you are a Tigers fan it was a day of fun events. Miguel Cabrera was called out at home, but it was challenged and the call was overturned. He later hit a homer in 7th. Detroit also had a big 4 run 6th punctuated with a 3-run James McCann dong.

Minnesota though! They had three whole hits. Let’s count ‘em down.

In the bottom of the first Brian Dozier got his obligatory single to extend the hitting streak. In the 7th Robbie Grossman made us briefly smile with a solo shot. Love you Robbie! Wrapping it up, in the 8th John Ryan Murphy of all people got a single. Max Kepler and Grossman had walks as well. That’s it.

The Twins made Matt Boyd look like Clayton Kershaw as he struck out 7 and cruised through 8 innings with only the Grossman HR against him.

Twins pitchers did poopy, in case you were somehow still wondering that.

W: Boyd (6-4) Tigers (80-70)
L: Santiago (12-9) Twins (55-96)

STUDS:

Robbie Grossman (HR and BB) and Pat Light (1 IP, 3 Ks!)

DUDS:

Paste the rest of the Twins roster here.

Rolly Polly Cally!

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I enjoy how the top comment here is just <no title.>