Ron Gardenhire Reviews the Gilmore Girls

I don’t know what the hell I just watched.

I mean, first of all, everyone’s talking too fast. Nobody talks that fast. Geez Louise, I’m used to being around guys like Matty LeCroy and Brad Radke. Those guys, when they talked at all, spoke at a real natural pace about Bass Pro Shops, stuff like that. Now you got this mom and her kid just going back and forth and back and forth about a bunch of books I’m not gonna read and I tell you, it was a lot to take in.

Now, the mom’s got a boyfriend, Luke? He’s like the only normal person on this whole dang show. He just rolls his eyes and gets angry all the time at the goofballs he’s gotta deal with. I identify with Luke a lot, honestly. Wanna tell him to throw his hat if he wants to let these wise guys know enough is enough. He talks too fast, but that’s probably because everyone else is yapping and he just wants to get a word in every so often.

The daughter’s boyfriend, the rich kid? Logan or whatever? Man, that snot is a piece of work. I’d have dropped him like a bad habit.

I kinda liked the grandma, even though she was a motormouth like the rest of them. She just started cussing like a sailor at the other rich, fast-talking ladies in one scene. I liked that a lot.

There was a musical that went on for like 20 minutes and I definitely took a bathroom break and let the dog out. Don’t think I missed much.

The rest of the people in Stars Hollow, like I said, are just a bunch of characters. I’ve been to Connecticut before, when I was with the Mets, and I never saw a place like Stars Hollow or anyone like Kirk or Taylor or Miss Patty. You know what I saw? Bunch of normal buildings and bars and people with jobs who weren’t yakking a mile a minute.

So yeah, that’s six hours of my life I’m not getting back. I’m more of a Saving Private Ryan, Clint Eastwood guy, or that one movie Mel Gibson did where they beat the hell out of Jesus. I can’t say I’d recommend this to anyone.