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Channeling your Joe Mauer Gold Glove snub anger

Of course it’s dumb. It doesn’t matter. Be strong. Be brave.

MLB: Cleveland Indians at Minnesota Twins Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

The general consensus among local fans and smart baseball folk is that Joe Mauer finally grew into his post-concussion role of first baseman in 2017. This could be confirmed by both “the eye test” (if you watched the Twins even a little this year, you know) and by the maths. Regardless of how many guys with dog avis on Twitter called him a pussy, his journey from replacement-level fielder to defensive asset seemed complete. So much so, in fact, that Gold Glove consideration was expected.

So, of course, he didn’t even make the Top 3 in the league. (At least Byron Buxton and Brian Dozier made the cut.)

Now, you’re ticked off. And you should be! I’m ticked off too! He was really good in the field! Your eyes and the numbers didn’t lie!

Here’s the thing, though: It doesn’t matter.

I’ve gotten upset about awards my entire life. The Gold Gloves are particularly egregious, even if they’ve allegedly improved. Derek “Past a Diving” Jeter’s 2005 award is an injustice on the level of Ryan Gosling not getting nominated for Best Actor for The Nice Guys last year.

The thing is, I didn’t even remember that specific award until I Googled “worst gold glove winners”. I knew Jeter would be there as sure as if I Googled “who maybe gave Jessica Alba the Herp”, but I didn’t remember 2005. That’s a million years ago. I’m looking at the other shortstops and can’t say who got ripped off: Orlando Cabrera? Michael Young? JASON BARTLETT? It doesn’t matter.

If I have learned anything, it’s that there are always going to be guys getting rewarded for shit they don’t deserve (gender is not unintentional here), while someone more deserving goes wanting. And it sucks, but in the case of baseball awards, my god are you going to forget about this snub so fast. You’re going to remember Phil Cuzzi absolutely butchering the fair/foul call in 2009 for the rest of your life. This minor injustice, you won’t.

Here’s what you can do with that anger you feel inside you right now:

  • Crack the books on potential free agents and trade targets for the Minnesota rotation and bullpen.
  • Monitor Miguel Sano’s health like you would your own son’s.
  • Tease your Detroit friends about Rick Anderson having to sleep on their couch until he gets approved for a home loan.
  • Pen a very angry, measured letter to Phil Cuzzi asking him why he is the way he is. Being respectful is key, that way he’ll feel worse about What He’s Done.
  • Maybe sign up for one of those meal services they advertise on podcasts? You never have time to get to the grocery store, and these fresh, innovative meals might be just the thing for a busy professional like yourself.

I hope this helps. Don’t be angry at Mitch Moreland. You don’t know him or what he even looks like probably. Is he the guy with the tattoos or one of those Gnarly Beard Guys? It doesn’t matter. It’s not his fault. Let it go. Genie, you’re free.

P.S. If Buxton doesn’t win I will join Gleeman and burn this thing to the ground.

MLB: Texas Rangers-Spring Training Media Day
this is what mitch moreland looks like; i thought he was blond
Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports