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Yankees 8, Twins 4: Because Minnesota

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All the bad makes you forget the good.

MLB: AL Wildcard-Minnesota Twins at New York Yankees
Twins beat the Yankees at fouling balls into people’s nuts, and that’s what really counts!
Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Look, I know you guys are all straight up depressed right now, but take a step back and remember what this team did last year. To reach the playoffs at all was an unbelievable achievement and we should all be proud of this team!

Right, so now that I’ve raised your spirits some tiny immeasurable amount, let’s tear your morale right back down because, friends, we gotta go through a recap of this whole freakin’ thing.

Brian Dozier did some pure Brian Doziering by leading off the game with a dong, becoming the first player to lead off the entire playoffs with a homerun. That just feels extremely Brian right there. After Joe Mauer popped out, Jorge Polanco walked and Eddie Rosario smashed a two-run dinger of his own. Twins twitter went batshit because that’s not how Yankee/Twin playoff games are supposed to go! Even then you could feel the darkness tickling your feet like that weird pervert guy does to me at work. The Twins were going to find a way to lose this thing, we all knew it.

The next two hitters reached, which removed Yankee ace Luis Severino from the game and Chad Green. Green struck out the next two hitters.

Ervin Santana started the bottom of the first 30 minutes after warming up. The 3 run lead would not last long. Some guys hit some balls probably, then Didi Gregorious hit a 3 run homer because Minnesota. Brett Gardner would tack another run on in the following inning with a solo homer.

In the 2nd Byron Buxton smashed into wall making a terrific catch and introducing himself to the larger baseball world. He was later removed from the game with back stiffness thanks to the impact. Because Minnesota.

Because Minnesota.

AFTER the rob, but before the leaving, Buxton would beat out a double play ball with the bases loaded, tying the game back up at 4.

Ugh. Okay. Deep breath. We’re going to get through this recap together, like a family.

In the 3rd Greg Bird did some kind of bird thing because he’s a bird. 4-5 Yankees.

In the 4th Aaron Judge hit some kind of two-run tater because he’s a bird the greatest thing to happen since the dawn of humankind, I guess. 4-7 Yankees.

In the 7th Alen Busenitz walked Aaron Hicks on four pitches with the bases loaded because Minnesota. 4-8 Yankees.

In the 9th Aroldis Chapman struck out the first two batters and then brought Joe Mauer to a full count. So of course Mauer slapped a single between 2nd and 3rd. This isn’t really noteable, but it made me smile. Just quintessential Joe.

So the Twins lose and their season is over. The absolute futility against the Yankees continues, but again this season was overall a MASSIVE success.

We saw Rosario go deep. Max Kepler had himself a few nice at-bats. Polanco and even Zack Granite went out there and got some hits. Buxton did his thing, robbing hits and and stealing bases. Although he gave up 3 runs in 3 innings, Jose Berrios’s stuff shined at times. These are young kids on a team that wasn’t supposed to contend playing competitive ball in the post-season.

Tonight tasted bitter, and maybe you won’t be able to wash it out of your mouth for a few days, but our young core has experienced playoff baseball now. The jitters will be lessened next time and you can damn well bet each and every one of them is hungry for more.

Chin up, guys!

STUDS: Dozier, Rosario, Escobar

DUDS: Jason Castro, Robbie Grossman, Santana

I usually write some personal or meta stuff after the roll call, but that’s so big I’m just going to do it before. This is my second season doing this, and the first one I’ve done from the start. Anyone who knows me is aware that I’m an absolute basket case of an individual, and putting my writing out there and being active in a community can be extremely hard for me. You guys have been so amazing to me and I love each and every one of you, and I can’t properly explain how much it means to me that you all tolerate my goofy bullshit. This was a really fun season and I can’t wait to see you all next year. (Or like, tomorrow in a non game-thread comment section. Whatever.)

GIGANTIC MASSIVE ULTRA ROLLCALL