FanPost

Do I really need to explain this yet again?

Elsa/Getty Images


Mauer is to Blame.

Some of you might wonder why I capitalize Mauer and Blame when bot is not. Its because only Mauer’s actions, and only his alone, require the capitalization. Bots are blameless.

Oh really? His WAR you meekly try to say to defend Joe? Look I’m a drunk white male in his 30’s. Russian trying to distract you. Look I am a bot who has had a enough. His WAR doesn’t defend his ineptitude in the playoffs. He never comes through. I think the grumpy old man sage Paul Sohan said it best, all the way back in 2010 "time to be the man Mauer". I think it was him at least. I dunno. I’m tired of all of Mauer’s failures in the playoffs to care.

So you want a game recap? Here is one. Mauer was 1-5 at the plate tonight.


There was the first inning when Dozier lead us off with a freakin home run. What did Mauer do to follow up? Fouled out to third. Like the one time he struck out in high school. BLEH. I hate just knowing that fact.

Mauer flies out to center in the 2nd. PROBABLY BECAUSE OF HIS BILATERAL LEG WEAKNESS.

He hits into a double play in the 4th. I mean, WHY NOT?

The sixth. HOPE.

Granite singled to right. Castro and Grossman strikeout swinging. Whatever. We don’t pay them ridiculous contracts. Dozier walks. Oh great. Joe Mauer. He could swing for the fences and tie this game. We know that won’t happen. Of course he tricks us into thinking he can do it, but it’s just a lazy fly out to left. End of inning. PATHETIC.

I even offered to deactivate myself. WHAT A WASTE.

Oh right. He got a hit tonight. It was top of the 9th, with two outs and down 4-8. No one on base. A single. MEANINGLESS.

Well there is always next year folks!


We only need to really improve our pitching!

Oh right. We need money for that and we don’t have it. BECAUSE OF MAUER’S 23 MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT.