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Disney announces new FSN shows, expanded roles for LaPanta, Gellner

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“We’re going to make corporate synergy fun again.”

NCAA Football: Rose Bowl-Disneyland Press Conference Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

When word leaked that Disney had purchased many of 21st Century Fox’s properties, including their slate of regional sports networks, many locals wondered how this would impact Fox Sports North.

We now have an answer.

“We’re tremendously excited to announce some fantastic new projects for our talented FSN team,” said Disney Executive Vice President of Midwestern Sports and Roller Coasters Sean Douglass. “This partnership will allow us to explore new projects and build the regional brand.”

Douglass revealed the following projects to be in the works for 2018:

  • LaPanta’s 5-Hole: FSN studio host and Minnesota Wild play-by-play man Anthony LaPanta will host a no-holds-barred game show where guests compete to place a football, baseball, basketball, puck and “mystery object” through five different holes. “We expect kids across Minnesota to be yelling ‘You gotta jam it in that hole!’ like the studio audience does,” said Douglass.
  • That’s a Lotta Laudners: FSN analyst and former Twins catcher Tim Laudner will star in his own sitcom, as the paterfamilias of a family of septuplets, all of whom are adorable “and really super bald for 6-year-olds,” said Douglass. When Mom (Leah Remini) lands her dream job, Tim’s left at home to watch the kids. His neighbor (former Twin Junior Ortiz) adds comic relief and the family dog talks.
  • Marney Gellner Builds a Waterpark: The universally beloved FSN reporter will have her own do-it-yourself show similar to popular shows like Fixer Upper and Property Brothers. In MGBaW, Gellner designs and builds a waterpark that’s fun for parents and kids on the grounds of an abandoned Kohl’s in the southwest Minneapolis suburbs. “She runs into a mess of problems, as the Kohl’s is populated by a family of geese that have nowhere else to go,” said Douglass. Gellner also has to deal with a group of citizens who want to make sure the park is named after the local aquifer, which shares a name with three notorious racists and Joseph Stalin. “It’s an incredibly long name, but they’re adamant,” said Douglass.
  • Bert Blyleven: Cakesittin’!: The Hall-of-Famer and longtime Twins color man goes to local bakeries and sits on their cakes. “We were looking for something with an Adult Swim, Tim and Eric vibe,” said Douglass. “I guess Bert was doing this anyway, so we just sent a film crew with him.”
  • Jim Petersen’s Friday Night Dance Party: The Timberwolves analyst gets to explore his love of dance music, DJing an all-night EDM-heavy party inside an abandoned Kohl’s in the southwest Minneapolis suburbs (“It’s a different abandoned Kohl’s,” said Douglass). “I love two things,” said Petersen. “Fundamental offensive basketball that emphasizes ball movement, and truly sick beats.”