The nebulous hacker group from Iceland known as “TwinkyLeaks” has released another group of emails taken from Minnesota Twins president, David “Dave” St. Peters’ cellphone. It turns out St Peters still hasn’t changed his password since he left it behind after eating lingonberry pancakes at Keys Cafe. This batch of emails is between St Peter, Viceroy of Baseball Operations Derek Falvey, and El Supremo VP Thad Levine discussing the recent move of Byung-Ho Park to the Twins AAA team to make room on the 40-man roster.
TwinkyLeaks has threatened to keep releasing these documents as long as the off season remains slow and there is nothing else to write about “regardless of whether anyone reads them or not.”
From: Dave St Peter [UNDHockeyDave85@minnesotatwins.com]
To: Derek Falvey [TheFalveyGuy@minnesotatwins.com]; Thad Levine [email@example.com]
Date: February 2, 2017 11:10 AM
Subject: Hej guys!
Hej there, guys! How are things going? So, then ya, Big Jim was wondering what the plan was with that Gung-Ho Park fella there. He’s still a might upset with Terry, the feller before you two guys, because he spent pert near $13 million dollars to get him here to begin with. So now he’s wondering how this is getting his money’s worth out of this whole danged deal don’t ya know? We were kind of going to have a bobblehead night for him and everything too, gosh the kids just love those things, eh? So this will kind of mess that up a little. Anyhoo, I told Jim I’d ask you guys about it. Thanks, guys!
February 2, 2017 at 11:15 AM Derek Falvey wrote:
Tell Mr. Pohlad not to worry, we have got this in control and it is all part of his plan. We kept him away from the Winter Caravan and TwinsFest and with all the talk about trading or not trading Brian Dozier, everybody forgot about Byung-Ho Park. Your average Twins fan in Brainerd is more worried about shoveling out his ice fishing shanty or whatever they do with them, than he is with Park.
By designating Park to the minors, there is a chance some other team will pick up his contract. We cannot get back the $12.85 million, but if that happens we could get the $9.25 million back. If no one takes him, there is still the chance he will be so sick of how he is being treated by this organization, he might get so homesick he would be willing to forfeit the rest of his contract and just go back to Korea, like Tsuyoshi Nishioka did when he went back to Japan.
Worst case scenario, he becomes a good, but not too good player for the remainder of his contract and fits right in with our team goal of mediocrity, i.e. “being competitive.”
February 2, 2017 at 11:18 AM Dave St Peter wrote:
Okej, Jim will be happy to hear that, you betcha! Uffda, I was thinking, “Jumpin jiminy, wasn’t there some other guys you could’ve sent down to AAA instead?” Not a big deal, you know me, I hate to complain. We’ll just put some new paint and slap different stickers on em and use them for a Sano bobblehead night or some such. Gosh, I mean they were Kurt Suzuki bobbleheads to begin with, so don’t worry about that guys.
February 2, 2017 at 11:22 AM Thad Levine wrote:
You should have them cover target field with paper.
Twins defense always looks better on paper
February 2, 2017 at 11:23 AM Derek Falvey wrote:
No, they don’t Thad :)
February 2, 2017 at 11:24 AM Dave St Peter wrote:
Okej, I’ll let Larry DiVito know, he handles all the groundskeeping stuff.
February 2, 2017 at 11:31 AM Dave St Peter wrote:
Oh, Haha! I get it now! You guys are going to be fun, you betcha! Haha! Got me!