Gary Gaetti And Not Eating Babies

In the distance, Shane Mack is running away before Gaetti eats him. - Ken Levine/Getty Images

For 17 years, I worked at a facility assisting adults with cerebral palsy. It's a wonderful line of work, and I highly recommend it, but my back can't take the heavy lifting anymore.

One gentleman who lives there -- we'll call him "Bob" -- is a huge Twins fan. We went to several games a year (still do), and when I worked with him we'd watch the Twins on TV, if nobody else needed assistance.

Of course he's met Tony Oliva. And a more perfect pair you can't imagine. Both have huge, heartwarming smiles and effusive personalities. They were great to see together.

Bob loves his ballpark food, but he's an older fellow and his digestive system can't handle the super-sugary or fatty stuff. He'd eat everything in the park if he could (who wouldn't?)

So, we have a little ritual. We get one semi-healthy item before the game, one fun food later on. When Bob says he'd like some of ... whatever he sees someone else eating / selling, I say "I'd sure like to eat some baby." In that voice Fat Bastard used for "Austin Powers." Then Bob tells me not to eat the baby, and we both agree to wait until later for our second snack.

A few years ago, Gary Gaetti was doing a signing at a Menard's near Bob's house. So Bob went, he had an old Gaetti poster. The line for signatures was pretty long / slow moving. Gaetti was being friendly and chatting with everyone.

One lady in line had an infant in a stroller. And, sure enough, eventually Bob says, "I'm not gonna eat that baby."

Well, the other people in line heard, and started inching away from Bob. Who is the nicest guy. But it probably sounded a little strange or crazy.

They move far enough away that Gaetti spots Bob in his wheelchair, and waves him to the front of the line. The two of them had some fun reminiscing about the old teams, and Bob got a free signed photo.

And that's the story.