Eddie G's Worst Case Scenario

So you wanna know the worst case scenario for the Minnesota Twins in 2017? I can tell you. I have the best seat in the house for the unmitigated disaster about to befall the Hopeful Hermans up there in Twinkietown. All winter long I've been calling Molly to ask if anything good has been happening in the bullpen section of the team. I mean I follow the wires and have some inside schnitzle on trades and acquisitions, but Molly has more, and I've been hoping the silence was just the quiet Minnesotan way of not bragging about the solid arms we were picking up.

Know what? Nope. No one of consequence has been added to the Bullpen. My weekly calls deteriorated from hopeful to snide to simple profane outbursts. I'd hang up before Skipper could even say a word. Ryan P isn't the only one who will be throwing chunks when we watch what this sad sack of second rate arms will do to our won/lost record.

I've seen some lame analysis about how Buxton's defence will improve the results for our pitchers. Man, I'm telling you, Byron could be Agent Smith from the Matrix and it won't make much of a difference. We've gotten rid of "pitch to contact" as a philosophy, but it looks like it is still the practice of these guys. I'll be trying to shake some better performance out of the stiffs I've been given, but geez. Silk purse from a sow's ear keeps coming to mind.

Our offense could be good again, but Dozier isn't gonna hit 40 dongs back to back, and JoeJoe might just mail it in.

I'm thinking that a lot of Tequila and 98 losses are in my future.

Sincerely, Eddie G