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Twins 11, Tigers 5: Dongs destroy Detroit

Twins dominate Detroit with long dongs

Minnesota Twins v Detroit Tigers
Easy peasy
Photo by Duane Burleson/Getty Images

Twins threatened to score in the 1st, Brian Dozier made his way to third base, but that’s as far as he got. Tigers struck first, a Miguel Cabrera solo home run over Max Kepler’s head in the 1st and an RBI double by Jose Iglesias (or a series of Twins defensive errors depending on your point of view) in the 2nd gave them a 2-0 lead.

Twins got on the board in the 3rd when Robbie Grossman well hung his dong to the right with Brian Dozier standing on first. That tied it up, 2-2.

Top of the 4th, Miguel Sano earned a walk then got TOOTBLANed on a wild pitch that he hesitated running on, and then over slid second. Eddie Rosario’s single to center field brought in Jorge Polanco from second to put the Twins on top 3-2.

Max Kepler stroked a long dong over the right field wall with two on in the 5th. 6-2 Twins.

Things really broke loose for the Twins in the 6th. Byron Buxton got a hit on a bunt single and then stole second base. After Grossman got walked, Joe Mauer hit a sharp line drive to left field, allowing Buxton to zip home. And just when you think Sano couldn’t possibly get any TOOTBLANer, he goes and strokes this very long, hard dong right up the middle for another three runs and totally redeems himself! A Kepler double and a Chris Gimenez RBI single later and the Twins were up 11-2!

Tigers got two runs back in the bottom half when Justin Upton hit a two-run homer to left center field. 11-4 Twins.

Tigers scored another run in the bottom of the 9th after JaCoby Jones tripled to center field and then got hit in by Iglesias, but that was all they would do. Twins win, 11-5!

W: Hughes (2-0) 5.2 IP, 5 H, 4 ER, 3 BB, 5 K

L: Zimmermann (1-1) 4.2 IP, 4 H, 5 ER, 5 BB, 3 K

S: Haley (1) 3.1 IP, 4 H, 1 ER, 0 BB, 6 K

Every Twin in the starting lineup got at least one hit, yes including Byron Buxton.

Every Twin in the starting lineup got a run or an RBI.


  • Hughes, couldn’t get out of the 6th, but what the Hell
  • Haley, 3 inning save with 6 K
  • Kepler, 2 for 4, HR, 2B, 3 RBI, BB, 2 R
  • Grossman, HR, 2 RBI, 3 R, 2 BB
  • Sano, 1 for 2, HR, 3 RBI, H, 3 BB
  • Everybody else


  • None. Go away.


Comment of the Game:

By popular demand, Gunnathor “If you studied more, you would have gotten an A”