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Twins 8, Rangers 1: Twins score all of the runs

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All of them.

MLB: Minnesota Twins at Texas Rangers
This image would have been perfect for demotion joke if Buxton had been bad today.
Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

The Twins are a .500 team again, and they got back there with an impressive display of what we in the biz call “doing real good at hitting that round thing with the whacking stick or whatever.”

Walks, walks will haunt. Unless they don’t. A billion hits back to back? That always haunts. This is literally (AKA: figuratively) what the Twins did in a glorious 5th inning of magic and wonder.

Miguel Sano hit one of his signature long dongs to lead off the inning, causing Texas to go to the bullpen and bring in Anthony Bass. Several fish puns later, Joe Mauer, Jorge Polanco and Jason Castro his back-to-back-to-back doubles, which anatomically would probably be more like shoulder to shoulder to shoulder doubles. Human centipede doubles, maybe. Anywho, the score was 4-0.

Kennys Vargas, who had already hit a homer of his own the previous inning, ruined the doubles train with a measly single. With Eddie Rosario up, a wild pitch by Sega Bass Fishing brought Castro home. Rosario then reached on an error while everyone in the game-thread laughed.

!BYRON BUXTON RBI ALERT!

Buxton singled in Kennys V. Rosario scored on a Brian Dozier ground-out. No-one scored on a Max Kepler ground-out. Then Buxton came around to score when Sano singled, and then ran to second to get tagged out because he was bored with this paragraph.

Ervin “Basically Johan So-Far” Santana was stellar as usual, going 7 strong innings and giving up only one run on 4 hits and 2 walks. That run was in the 5th when Joey Gallo smacked a dinger of his own. His era is now 0.77.

Studs:
Ervin Santana: Pitchmaster
Miguel Sano: 3 for 4 with a walk, 2 RBIs and a HR. Yet another good game of D.
BYRON BUXTON: 2 for 3 with a RBI and a walk and ZERO strikeouts!
Pretty much everyone else. All starters but Dozier got a hit.

Duds:
No Duds Twins Win

Robocop Roll Call

# Recs Commenter Comment Link
6 Will Ragatz Also, I have a prediction
3 Kyle Edelbrock Those aren't actual words
3 Win-MIN-Twins This has been something of a crappie inning for Bass.
2 kenzertz OH SHUT UP!!!
2 TawnyFroggy "Probably 1 out of 9 times"
2 less cowbell, more 'neau Holey sheep dip!
2 wayback Oprah inning
2 Imakesandwichesforaliving We'd have to go pretty far back in time
2 Joel Hernandez I guess that is why my attempts to blackmail the writing staff keeps failing
2 Hayden A The game recap should just be titled "In play, run(s)"
2 Win-MIN-Twins How's this?
2 badcoffee Isn't that what you do here anyway
2 less cowbell, more 'neau [no title]
1 Cbrolin Buxton's fixed for good now
1 TawnyFroggy ahahaha
1 Rahil Modi BUXTON ACTUALLY HIT SOMETHING
1 badcoffee Doug Broccoli
1 Kyle Edelbrock Buxton has turned it on, watch out
1 less cowbell, more 'neau [no title]
1 SooFoo Fan Decades
1 myjah I AM ABSOLUTELY LOSING MY SHIT OVER THIS
1 CG19 Big gulps are people too
1 Rahil Modi TWINS WIN!
1 TawnyFroggy Finally kenzertz said what you have all been thinking for years
1 Joel Hernandez close the Kitten gifs
1 Win-MIN-Twins Carlos Gomez likes to smell his bat.
1 TawnyFroggy He'll RUA the day he tried for two
1 kenzertz That's deep.
1 kenzertz That makes me want to be a fake baby to the game.
1 badcoffee have the damn REC you're Fishing for
1 Joel Hernandez Why is a fish pitching
1 Imakesandwichesforaliving Cool Hwip?
1 Joel Hernandez yup
1 badcoffee Didn't seem to work for this guy
1 less cowbell, more 'neau The 11th game of a 5 or 7 game series is always the toughest
1 SooFoo Fan RIGHT!?
1 badcoffee Hence why you only dated him once?
1 Kyle Edelbrock I will wallow in shame as I should
1 Imakesandwichesforaliving Oh I shall quote you
1 SooFoo Fan quoth the joel
1 badcoffee This guy is like the Oprah of walks
1 Rahil Modi KENNYS VARGAS!
1 Rahil Modi He said, "Cashner hasn't been sharp, but that's the sad part. The Twins have squandered too many opportunities."
1 Joel Hernandez praise the Will
1 TawnyFroggy One of these days I'm just going to copy and paste all your comments and call it a recap.
1 kenzertz Sano and Vargas, the Homer Hermanos.
1 SooFoo Fan The Legion of Boom
1 Win-MIN-Twins Sano is just wonderful.
1 badcoffee I expect Chicago Style
1 TawnyFroggy THICC
1 Joel Hernandez I don't trust words with silent letters
1 TawnyFroggy I'm pretty sure it actually stands for Buxton.
1 SooFoo Fan And each B in Byron also stands for Byron
1 Devereaux Hit me with a Vargas shot

We broke 500 comments! You guys made that one real fun! I love each and every one of you.

Except you.