Twins 8, Rangers 1: Twins score all of the runs

The Twins are a .500 team again, and they got back there with an impressive display of what we in the biz call “doing real good at hitting that round thing with the whacking stick or whatever.”

Walks, walks will haunt. Unless they don’t. A billion hits back to back? That always haunts. This is literally (AKA: figuratively) what the Twins did in a glorious 5th inning of magic and wonder.

Miguel Sano hit one of his signature long dongs to lead off the inning, causing Texas to go to the bullpen and bring in Anthony Bass. Several fish puns later, Joe Mauer, Jorge Polanco and Jason Castro his back-to-back-to-back doubles, which anatomically would probably be more like shoulder to shoulder to shoulder doubles. Human centipede doubles, maybe. Anywho, the score was 4-0.

Kennys Vargas, who had already hit a homer of his own the previous inning, ruined the doubles train with a measly single. With Eddie Rosario up, a wild pitch by Sega Bass Fishing brought Castro home. Rosario then reached on an error while everyone in the game-thread laughed.

!BYRON BUXTON RBI ALERT!

Buxton singled in Kennys V. Rosario scored on a Brian Dozier ground-out. No-one scored on a Max Kepler ground-out. Then Buxton came around to score when Sano singled, and then ran to second to get tagged out because he was bored with this paragraph.

Ervin “Basically Johan So-Far” Santana was stellar as usual, going 7 strong innings and giving up only one run on 4 hits and 2 walks. That run was in the 5th when Joey Gallo smacked a dinger of his own. His era is now 0.77.

Studs:
Ervin Santana: Pitchmaster
Miguel Sano: 3 for 4 with a walk, 2 RBIs and a HR. Yet another good game of D.
BYRON BUXTON: 2 for 3 with a RBI and a walk and ZERO strikeouts!
Pretty much everyone else. All starters but Dozier got a hit.

Duds:
No Duds Twins Win

Robocop Roll Call

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