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Game 21: Minnesota Twins @ Texas Rangers

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Who wants to mess with Texas?

In Texas, no one can hear you scream.
In Texas, no one can hear you scream.
Chris Graythen/Getty Images

First Pitch: 7:05 PM. Vegas odds: TEX -150 / +135 MIN

Weather: Mostly Sunny, Game Temp 64°

TV: FSN. Radio: Speed Of Light, Call-In Comments Of Morons

Opponent's SB site: Lone Star Ball

Cole Hamels, who throws a fastball/cutter/change/curve, is starting for Texas today. Since this is a young season, we'll use 2016 numbers, and they don't look nice for Twins pitcher Hector Santiago. But there's something awesome about these numbers anyhoo ...

hamels 1

That's right, bitches, we gots a Colorful Chart! (Saw the idea on Royals Review years ago, only trying it now. If it looks like ass on your phone/computer, let me know. Or don't, and let me have my small moment of chart glory.)

So Hector was bad last year. But, colors! Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void. He's been better this year. So far.

This is a list of Cole Hamels's favorite things:

Side dish: Me slaw
Jazz artist: John Metraine
Old rock song: Workin' In a Me Mine
Star Trek actress: Nichelle NiMes
TV show: Meumbo
Medical procedure: Meonoscopy
Classic American songwriter: George Gershwin, because Cole Hamels is never predictable.

Today's Lineups

Ex-Senators 1
Ex-Senators 2
Brian Dozier - 2B Delino DeShields Jr. - LF
Jorge Polanco - SS Elvis Andrus - SS
Miguel "Tiny" Sano - 3B Carlos Gomez - CF
Robbie Grossman - RF Mike Napoli - DH
Kennys Vargas - 1B Rougned Odor - 2B
Eduardo Escobar - DH Ryan Rua The Day - 1B
Chris Gimenez - C Joey "Wino" Gallo - 3B
Eddie Rosario - LF Robinson Chirinos - C
Byron S.O. Buxton - CF Shin-Soo Choo - RF
Hector Santiago - LHP Cole Hamels - LHP