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Rangers 14, Twins 3: Cole Water Poured On Winning Streak

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The Twins’ Magical Mystery Bullpen showed its dark side, and Minnesota slips below .500.

Minnesota Twins v Texas Rangers
Go-Go making us sad-sad.
Photo by Brandon Wade/Getty Images

Hector Santiago, pitching after yesterday’s death of his beloved grandmother, toughed it out through five innings and came one Rougned Odor single away from leaving with the lead. Hector had six strikeouts, which was pretty good.

His tag-team lefty replacement, Taylor Rogers, hitted a guy and walkded a guy and gaved ups a single, loading the bases with one out. (Ryan O’Rourke cried in his hospital bed.)

Enter Tyler Duffey. Duff Man must have been chugging some Lone Stars last night, because with a wild pitch, single, and Chris Gimenez passed ball, Texas took over the game for good. Minnesota has an off day tomorrow, and the bullpen probably needs it after using seven hurlers tonight.

Rangers batters had fourteen hits, eight walks, and two HBPs, the latter ensuring that Twins pitchers aren’t pussy bitches and can miss the zone like real manly men.

Your REAL ex-Senators took the first lead on a Kennys Vargas single and Eduardo Escobar dong off Rangers starter Cole Hamels. Hamels must have gotten a lecture from his parents about being too loose with boys, because he wouldn’t allow another Twin to reach second base for five more innings.

The Twins haven’t swept Texas at home in a three-game series since 1976! Bert Blylevn was on that Rangers team. He doesn’t remember the series. This means Bert is smoking a butt-ton of weed now.

But, hey, how about that Byron Buxton? He continues to look less lost at bat lately, getting an oppo-field slapper and two walks in four PAs. Sano had another fun fielding play at third, getting his feet all twisted up yet still managing to tag out Odor on a double steal.

Comments of the GT. CG19: "There was one fan left who didn’t catch a home run." Ashtix: "In Texas, sales tax is exempt on cowboy boots, but not for all other footwear." I don’t know if this is true, but it should be true.

Time of game: 3:37, aargh. Twins extrapolated record: 77-85.

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