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Twins 7, Royals 1: Opening day Twins......win?

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Is this allowed?

Kansas City Royals v Minnesota Twins
Not this time, Ned.
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

TWINS WIN, TWINS WIN, TWINS WIN, SUCK IT KC

Uh...ahem.

Ervin Santana got the opening day nod, and pitched exactly like the ace he is supposed to be. He gave up only 2 hits, though one of them was a Mike Moustakas solo dong. Who cares though, because a bit later Miguel Sano stroked his own dong, and as they say Sano’s dong was so long.

Too far?

Nothing much else happened in the Danny Duffy/Ervin Santana pitcher’s duel until God blessed America with a seventh inning. The top of which was Santana’s last, and another scoreless. To start the Twins half, Jorge Polanco blooped a single to center. Many groans accompanied Max Kepler squaring to bunt (in fact he nearly bunted into a double play, but it was grabbed foul.) but he laid down a sweet one and had a bang bang play at first.

“Yerrrrrr Out” said the umpire, probably.

“Yeah Nah” said Twins new first base coach Jeff Smith. “How about nah?”

So the call was overturned and Kepler was awarded the single. Eddie Rosario came up to bunt next. Bunt to live, bunt to love. He pushed the runners up a base, but his sacrifice was actually a sacrifice, unlike that cowardly Kepler who just got a hit. One out, men on 2nd and 3rd. Brian Dozier was immediately walked, automatically without any pitches. It was strange, saved a few seconds and 38 teenagers became baseball fans after seeing it. Thanks, Rob Manfred.

Professional Designated Hitter Robbie Grossman was up next, and did as his father always told him: When life loads your bases, get walked on four pitches. 2-1 Twins! Byron Buxton then struck out (he’ll do that.) for the second out. New pitcher Peter Moylan came in to face Joe Mauer with the bases loaded. He walked him on 5 pitches. Miguel Sano? Walked on five pitches. Jason Castro? Walked on five pitches Singled in two runs. Jorge Polanco then came up for the second time in the inning and singled in yet another run. Max Kepler struck out. Inning over, Twins ahead 7 to 1! Holy crap! Matt Belisle and Brandon Kintzler pitched scoreless innings and voila! Twins win their first opening day since 2008!

Studs:
Ervin Santana: 7 IP, 1 ER on 2 hits and 2 walks. 3 strikeouts.
Jorge Polanco: 2 for 3 with a RBI a run and a walk. All the speeds really.
Jason Castro: Caught balls, hit two singles, drove in two runs.
Byron Buxton’s glove: Some nice plays, including the first 5 star catch of the season per statcast!

Duds:
Byron Buxton’s bat: 0 for 5. 3 Ks. Frowny face.
NO OTHER DUDS THOUGH TWINS WIN!

ROLL MY CALL

# Recs Commenter Comment Link
9 BeefMaster I would say that it was not rude enough
5 Cbrolin [no title]
5 SooFoo Fan [no title]
3 Brandon Brooks Depends on who you're talking to
3 twinsgirl197 *cough* nerd *cough*
3 kenzertz The boys are back in town!
3 Daniel Carlson Wooo Twins Opening Day!!
3 less cowbell, more 'neau Yep.
3 Cbrolin I like it
2 montanatwinsfan that explains the sound of beer being drunk in the background
2 Brandon Brooks I've never heard it called that before but okay
2 montanatwinsfan Sheesh
2 Brandon Brooks Save it your way
2 twinsgirl197 Calling it, 162-0 this year
2 Daniel Carlson Dammit wrong year and wrong stadium....
2 less cowbell, more 'neau Let's go Wild!
2 BeefMaster I hear this Sano kid can hit the ball really hard
2 montanatwinsfan That comet looks awfully close?
2 Cbrolin Buxton...
2 KMAnderson414 I'm watching the Twins and I'm happy?
2 Minnesconsinite *Impatiently
1 Cbrolin oh no, it's a 3-1 lead
1 Cbrolin or GSW
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Ball 10! Ball 10!
1 Imakesandwichesforaliving WOO 6-1!!!
1 TawnyFroggy ARE WE GOING TO WIN GAME 1?
1 Win-MIN-Twins You'll never hit a bigger home run in your life!
1 Brandon Brooks Where have I heard that before
1 less cowbell, more 'neau TWINS WIN?????????
1 twinsgirl197 His quip, damn it
1 wayback I'm older than the Twins
1 Nick Rothe [no title]
1 Brandon Brooks IT'S RALLY TI--
1 SooFoo Fan outta here
1 WestRiverTwinsFan Good job Belisle......nice to have you in the bullpen. :blush:
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Touch 'em all!
1 montanatwinsfan hmmm, you look like a bear in leiderhosen
1 TawnyFroggy I have no idea who you are
1 less cowbell, more 'neau So are you orbiting the Earth right now?
1 montanatwinsfan reversey
1 SooFoo Fan Need to send you down to Triple-A for some seasoning
1 BeefMaster Fine!
1 Daniel Carlson Fine! Whatever!
1 SaintAugustine Guys Byron Buxton is good at baseball
1 Tyler Wiederhoeft Ump is squeezing us already...
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Moments before I die, I will ask for a PBJ sammich
1 WestRiverTwinsFan Watched Nunez and the Giants lose to D-Backs yesterday
1 Joel Hernandez I could give him some hand exercises.
1 SooFoo Fan Come on Bert, talk about the downward plane
1 Alandovos All set
1 SooFoo Fan Ah pooop
1 less cowbell, more 'neau You'd probably have to start out with Omaha Storm Chasers gamethreads
1 twinsgirl197 Yep, sure did!
1 SooFoo Fan You little...
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Oceans white with foam usually indicates phosphorus pollution
1 WestRiverTwinsFan Strahm.....N.D. boy
1 Tyler Wiederhoeft TWINS ARE UNDEFEATED!!!!!!!!
1 Win-MIN-Twins Come on. Let's be realistic.
1 BeefMaster ...
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Over 4 centipedes worth
1 Imakesandwichesforaliving THANK YOU I SHALL
1 Win-MIN-Twins I'M HERE
1 Cbrolin maybe the ocean has rabies

Congratulations to Beefmaster. Truly you have mastered the beef.

Enjoy the off day! See you Wednesday!