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Rockies 7, Twins 3: Seven is more than three, I guess.

Twins can’t come back a third time, lose series opener.

Colorado Rockies v Minnesota Twins
Charlie Blackmon, moments before casting his voodoo curse on the innocent Robbie G.
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

Baseball games are close right up until the point in which they are not.” - Dalai Lama?

In the first a brand new ball game started, which is generally how first innings go, and wee would have a few more of those over the course of the ur-game. Spoiler Alert: Colorado won the one that mattered. Side note: Robbie Grossman started in right field and this is obviously not going to be mentioned again.

Charlie Blackmon, henceforth referred to as “Death, the destroyer of Twins pitching,” started the game with a single off of Phil Hughes. Another followed, but Hughes junkballed his way out of the early threat unscathed. The 2nd wouldn’t go so well. After an RBI groundout, Death hit his second single, this time bringing in a run. The rock guys were up 2-0.

In the Twinkie half, Jorge Polanco lead off with a walk, which would soon haunt when Jason Castro doubled him in. Byron Buxton Byron Buntston’d him over and (eventually) another two-bagger off the bat of Brian Dozier would tie the game buck up.

Brand New Ballgame.

The 3rd inning is for squares, and you and I? We’re hip. So let’s go to the 4th inning. Gerardo Parra dongs a ball over the fence, which happens every now and then when Phil Hughes is pitching, and the Twins once again found themselves on the outside looking in. Mostly because that’s the way fielders face, but also the losing again thing.

But in their half Byron Buxton would Byron Blaston a ball over the center field wall. This was the 16th consecutive game in which the Twins have smashed a dong, tying a franchise record. Way to go, Buxton! btw, brand new ballgame.

Now it is the 6th because scoring is only allowed to happen on even numbered innings, per the baseball rulebook. Carlos Gonzales led off with a double and was brought in when Ian Desmond followed him up with a single. This brought in Tyler Duffey to replace Hughes. The Duffman got two outs and it looked like the damage would be minimum. Then Tony Wolters doubled to right. As a comedy joke, Robbie Grossman failed to actually pick up the ball and instead allow the runner to score.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Charlie Blackmon

Charlie Blackmon Who?

Charlie Blackmon who hit a 2 run home-run, and also has a mullet of sorts. A mullet did this.

There would be no more brand new ballgames. The Twins are now 19-16, but with the Indians losing today they hang on to the division lead.

S’all good.


DUDS: Most.

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# Commenter # Comments
1 NJG319 58
2 less cowbell, more 'neau 54
3 badcoffee 54
4 SooFoo Fan 40
5 CG19 33
6 TawnyFroggy 25
7 myjah 19
8 TwinsDingers 15
9 Brandon Brooks 14
10 Joel Hernandez 13
11 Gunnarthor 12
12 kenzertz 8
13 Devereaux 7
14 gonzobob 7
15 Austin Chase 4
16 Pau from the sky-tinted water 3
17 TeamCrazyMatt 3
18 Hayden A 2
19 montanatwinsfan 2
20 Will Ragatz 2
21 Cbrolin 2
# Recs Commenter Comment Link
5 SooFoo Fan So this happened
4 less cowbell, more 'neau Kinky
4 SooFoo Fan Whoever is reccing all my comments I appreciate the moral support
4 Joel Hernandez You still suck
4 less cowbell, more 'neau Joe got a walk-off HR
3 less cowbell, more 'neau [no title]
3 SooFoo Fan Spaghetti's run out
3 Brandon Brooks That's what...she...?
3 less cowbell, more 'neau I never knew comrade Joe's political leanings before
3 CG19 [no title]
3 badcoffee Phil "the scoreboard" Hughes
3 badcoffee Its a laundry term
2 SooFoo Fan Pizza bread thing was a success
2 SooFoo Fan [no title]
2 less cowbell, more 'neau Twins DFA'd pizza bread thing
2 NJG319 Imagine Mark Sanchez as someone
2 Cbrolin [no title]
2 TawnyFroggy Fuck you
2 badcoffee Buckle up, Its going to be a loooooonnnngggg game!
1 CG19 That was Gross
1 Hayden A after the walk off one of my teammates dumped his water bottle on the guy who hit the game winner
1 gonzobob good way to get rid of the PED evidence
1 SooFoo Fan for steroids?
1 NJG319 [no title]
1 NJG319 I know where you live
1 SooFoo Fan I've learned to beat the rickroll by loving "Never gonna give you up"
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Oh, toilet commercial
1 CG19 [no title]
1 NJG319 [no title]
1 CG19 Gimenez is still the GOAT
1 gonzobob wishin' Tampa Bay was still called
1 SooFoo Fan TWSS
1 TawnyFroggy Yeah
1 less cowbell, more 'neau YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, McCANN!!!!!!
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Gardy's back to work!
1 less cowbell, more 'neau I'll check BBref
1 TawnyFroggy Brand new.....
1 NJG319 [no title]
1 TawnyFroggy Spaghetti
1 gonzobob back in the early 1980's long before emoji's
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Doesn't matter
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Brand new ballgame.
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Uh-oh LaTroy did a smiley circle me
1 badcoffee dear god, no.
1 CG19 Isn't that "Be the Cutoff Man" Chainsaw ad great?
1 less cowbell, more 'neau What a dick
1 badcoffee Reporting for Duty!
1 CG19 I've seen the Cubs win more World Series than the Twins
1 SooFoo Fan Its an italian bread cut in half with pizza sauce, mozzarella and pepperonis
1 Brandon Brooks Dozier has the longest interleague hitting streak in the MLB right now (15 games)
1 badcoffee That's what...she...?
1 SooFoo Fan B
1 badcoffee We get it, you're old
1 SooFoo Fan Everybody make up new character sheets
1 badcoffee So was Rookie Year Danny Santana
1 less cowbell, more 'neau The Magnus effect
1 NJG319 Phil Hughes
1 Brandon Brooks That's what...she...?
1 SooFoo Fan Oh, that's me trying to get my life together
1 Hayden A go Twins go
1 CG19 [no title]
1 SooFoo Fan Its okay, we can take him
1 SooFoo Fan Your character was Max Kepler?
1 NJG319 Almost called it
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Sano is "elite!"
1 NJG319 Perfect for Castro
1 NJG319 And emporer Mau Mau
1 badcoffee At least we know you aren't a GLORY BOY!!!

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