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Do you want to buy a Sano, man?

This Thursday Thunder Dump answers all of life questions... well, some of them anyway.

Minnesota Twins v Kansas City Royals
A $122 million dollar smile?
Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images

Mo Chuisle, Mo’ Problems

Were you wondering how much Sano and Buxton would be worth if they were free agents? Dan Szymborski over at ESPN used some weird ZIPS based algorithm to determine that Sano would fetch 6 years at $122M ($20.3M/year) and Buxton could get $135M over 8 years ($16.9M/year). Of course, that’s all based on the here and now and not what will happen when their Twins contracts are up. Sorry, Red Sawx, and hated yanquis, they’re not for sale... yet.

Miggy Milestones

Bleacher Report (Warning! Auto-loading video ahead!) reports that only two Twins or Senators have hit as many HR (11) and RBI (37) in the first 40 games of a season as Sano; Larry Hisle in 1977 (11 HR, 40 RBI) and Joe Mauer in 2009 (13 HR, 42 RBI). Yeah, Joe was that good, younguns.

Ervin Santana contending for Cy Young?

David Schoenfield at ESPN asks if Santana is for ”real?” He never really answers, but says Ervin’s been “lucky” (i.e. Twins awesome outfield). He switches gears and talks about the Twins chances in the A.L. Central race.

Anyway, in the tightly packed AL, the Twins can probably hang close enough at least in the wild-card race to where trading Santana in July becomes unlikely. If you have a chance to go for it, go for it.

You heard him, let’s go for it!

Kepler is Starting to Heat Up

Sid Hartman at the STrib sat down at his Royal Standard typewriter and typed up an interview he recorded on his portable cassette recorder with Max Kepler. He talks to Max about playing baseball, Target Field, coming up with Buxton from the minors, and hitting.

"It's just a hot and cold thing for me," he said. "I think when I get hot I can hit anything — lefties, righties, it doesn't matter. When I'm cold, the ball looks like a seed and it's tough to hit. It all comes with reps and just seeing the ball."

“Wild Thing, You Make my Heart Dysrhythmic”

Charlie Sheen says the original cast is on board for a “Major League 3” movie. There already was a third “Major League” movie that involved the Twins as a bunch of obnoxious a-holes, but it was so bad apparently they refuse to even acknowledge it’s existence. I don’t blame them, it was really bad. Even Dr. Clayton Forrester wouldn’t subject Joel and his robot friends to it because it would be too cruel.

David Ortiz Still Hates Tom Kelly

Probably. Ortiz doesn’t mention Kelly in the video though. He’s also remaking scenes from movies about Boston for charity, including; “The Town,” “Good Will Hunting,” “Fever Pitch,” and “The Departed.” “Legally Blonde” was disappointingly left out, I see. The movie part starts about :30 in.

H/t Big League Stew

Best Place for Dongs at Target Field

According to SeatGeek and ESPN, the best section to catch a souvenir HR ball at Target Field is sec. 133, the Left Field Bleachers. I never got anything there, not even a suntan. I did catch a lime-green softball T.C. Bear hit into the Grandstand during a pre-game HR Derby once. They also have the best section listed for each team. Really Fenway, $112 for SRO on the Green Monster?

Gag me with a Spoon, Computer Nerds are Dweebs!

Here’s how to send something called an “E-mail” to Doc Brown if you get trapped in 1984 and your hellarad DeLorean’s flux capacitor isn’t working right. Bummer, dude.