Twins 4, Red Sox 3: Joe Mauer walks it off. Yes, that Joe Mauer.

I really enjoyed the lede I had written for this game recap about Phil Hughes, who has turned himself into an 88-mph throwing junkball kingpin, and allowed but one solo dong in 6.2 innings.

However, Brandon Kintzler’s flirtation with Eddie Guardado-dom in previous appearances turned into a full blown Ron Davis imitation, as he blew a 3-1 Twins lead in the top of the ninth on three Boston Red Sox singles.

But it didn’t matter as Joe Mauer, beleaguered Twins first baseman, former MVP, and $23 million/yr albatross to some of the stupidest motherfuckers in the fan base, belted an oppo solo dong with two outs in the ninth to lead your Minnesota Twins to a 4-3 victory.

Joe Mauer. Walk off homer. It happened. That’s the world we live in now.

The true story of the game was Hughes, who continues to keep the Twins in games despite having no actual velocity any longer. It’s fun to watch.

The Twins drew blood on Boston hurler Eduardo Rodriguez in the first, as Miguel Sano hit an unlikely opposite field triple that everyone thought was going foul, scoring Mauer. Robbie Grossman plated Sano with a single immediately afterwards.

That 2-0 lead was halved when Andrew Benintendi hit the only damaging ball off Hughes, a shot to dead center.

The Twins got what proved to be a very important third run thanks to a leadoff triple in the 7th from Eddie Rosario that chased Rodriguez. Mauer’s single knocked him in. It would turn out to be his second-most important hit of the evening.

Since we can’t have nice things, in addition to Byron Buxton having to sit this one out with headaches from yesterday’s incident with that asshole wall, Brian Dozier turned his ankle on a routine grounder and eventually had to leave the game. He missed a helluva finish.

STUDS: Mauer, Hughes

DUDS: Kintzler.

ROBOT ROLL CALL

Enjoy your weekend, everybody.