Here is a list of what every player on the Twins roster totally does on their day off. Trust me. I’m a stranger on the internet so you know they’re true.
Matt Belisle: Teaching people how to properly pronounce his last name.
Craig Breslow: Doing "totally not evil" things in his "totally not evil" secret laboratory that's "totally just for baseball things."
Tyler Duffey: Everything he starts goes wrong, but everything he finishes goes awesomely.
Justin Haley: Celebrating his first ARCA race win at Talladega.
Phil Hughes: After growing so fondly of his own rib bone, he now buys more from the Black Market to add to his collection.
Brandon Kintzler: Loading way too many things into his grocery cart, barely making it to the checkout lane without something falling off, and then emptying everything successfully on the conveyor belt as everyone in the supermarket breathes a sigh of relief.
Ryan Pressly: Still trying to catch 'em all in Pokemon Go even though no one else plays it anymore but they’ll be SO jealous once he finally gets his own Tyranitar.
Taylor Rogers: Going through every piece of Twins merchandise to make sure none of them say "Taylor Rodgers"
Drew Rucinski: Getting lost in Minneapolis.
Ervin Santana: Trying to find the perfect spot upon his mantle for his future Cy Young Award.
Hector Santiago: Helping Ervin Santana try to find the perfect spot upon his mantle for his future Cy Young Award.
Nick Tepesch: Hiding.
Jason Castro: Removing all the frames from the pictures in his house because he's just sick of hearing about it.
Chris Gimenez: Helping various Twins pitchers with their stuff whenever Jason Castro isn't around to do so.
Ehire Adrianza: Handing out flyers at the Mall of America for the "Hello I'm Ehire Adrianza and I play for the Minnesota Twins" awareness campaign.
Brian Dozier: Staring solemnly at his ankle while "How Could This Happen to Me?" By Simple Plan is playing in the background.
Eduardo Escobar: Hanging out with various other members of the Twins, but kind of in the background. Every once in a while he says something funny or does something cool, but mostly he's just kind of there.
Joe Mauer: Defending himself anonymously on various Twins comment sections on the internet.
Jorge Polanco: Doing everyday stuff and doing them just fine. Not too bad, not amazing, doing just fine.
Miguel Sano: Going from city to city destroying evil.
Byron Buxton: What normal people do on their days off, but much, much faster.
Eddie Rosario: Vigorously plucking and shaping his eyebrows until they are pristine.
Max Kepler: Doing the same things as Buxton and Rosario, but about 20-50 feet to the right of them.
Robbie Grossman: Going through everyday life but only communicating with people who are left handed because he just seems to do things better with people who are left handed.
Kennys Vargas: Trying to convince the other players to add an "s" to the end of their names because it's what the cool kids do.