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Twins 7, White Sox 2: LMAO Mike Pelfrey

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The best cure for no Miguel Sano is facing the Pelf

Minnesota Twins v Chicago White Sox
Guaranteed Great
Photo by Jon Durr/Getty Images

Miguel Sano was gone today, serving his one game suspension for not liking being grabbed in the face by a white guy, but the Twins didn’t need him to score a majillion-gajillion runs.

The Hector Santiago v.s Mike Pelfrey pitchers duel lasted until the 3rd when both pitchers lost the perfect game. Pelf lost his when Byron Buxton (more on this guy later) hit a double that ultimately resulted in absolutely nothing. Santiago however decided he wanted to give up some runs. After a walk and a single, some hipster drove in a run with a single, and later Jose Abreu did the same. That’s all the White Sox hits in the game until the 9th, by the way.

Enjoying the once dreaded Pelfrey’s second time through the order bonus, Jorge Polanco led off with a single. Max Kepler drove him in with one of his own and then stole second on what I assume was a 30 MPH curve or some shit. Notable “s” enthusiast Kennys Vargas came to the plate and hit a Sano-esque long dong to give the Twins the lead. Pelfrey got a few outs finally and then hit Jason Castro with a ball for good measure.

In the 6th, when Pelfrey had long since stopped being the pitcher who was currently pitching. With two Eds on base, Ehire Adrianza chopped them both in for his first Twins hit and also advanced to second on an error. We’ll make him an honorary Ed. Buxton singled him in, and advanced to second on another error. Joe Mauer then singled HIM in, but stayed at first because he’s lazy. To finish off the scoring, Jorge Polanco doubled him in, getting to second the legit way. Add that all up and you get 7-2 Twins.

Hector Santiago forgot how to pitch with one out left in the sixth, luckily Tyler Duffey was there and nabbed that last out, and then all three in the next inning for good measure. Taylor Rogers finished the game out, but gave up one whole hit. For shame, Taylor, for shame.

STUDS:
Byron Buxton: 3 for 4 with a two-bagger and zero strikeouts~
Kennys “The extra s is for extra dong and also I can’t spell” Vargas.

DUDS:
Legally required to list no duds TWINS WIN

TECHNOLOGICAL SINGULARITY INDUCING ROLLCALL

# Commenter # Comments
1 badcoffee 57
2 TwinsDingers Hi
3 myjah 46
4 NJG319 46
5 CG19 46
6 SooFoo Fan 35
7 less cowbell, more 'neau 31
8 kenzertz 28
9 Joel Hernandez 24
10 TawnyFroggy 20
11 Gunnarthor 14
12 TeamCrazyMatt 7
13 blackmankitteh 3
14 Devereaux 3
15 Daniel Carlson 2
16 wayback 2
17 Nick Rothe 1
18 Lestermilk 1
# Recs Commenter Comment Link
6 Joel Hernandez we dfa'd Manny Ramirez?
6 badcoffee Tell that to
5 kenzertz Myjah Bans Fake Hyperlinkers After Game Thread Altercation
5 kenzertz Best wishes on the parole hearing!
4 Joel Hernandez I wonder if commentating on Twinkle Town counts as community service
4 CG19 I can't wait until people who weren't in the game thread read the most rec'd comments
4 TawnyFroggy I've had this saved for years and I never got to use it.
4 TwinsDingers Buckle up, its going to be a looooooooooonnnnggg game
3 TwinsDingers [no title]
3 badcoffee MAKE TWINKLE TOWN GREAT AGAIN
3 NJG319 James Comey Cut
3 badcoffee Buckle up, its going to be a looooooooooonnnnggg game
3 badcoffee If I keep clicking those, Twinkietown/404 not found
3 TwinsDingers TWINS DFA'ED DANNY SANTANA
3 less cowbell, more 'neau Buckle up, its going to be a looooooooooonnnnggg game
3 CG19 THE TWINS TRADED DANNY SANTANA
2 NJG319 Danny Santana Dies
2 badcoffee Second worst
2 NJG319 Joe Mauer Sucks
2 TwinsDingers Miguel Sano holds record for most stolen bases of 2017 season
2 TwinsDingers We are number one
2 TwinsDingers Twins win 2017 world series
2 TawnyFroggy Gonna edit the table to put you at 0 comments
2 SooFoo Fan [no title]
2 less cowbell, more 'neau No need
2 badcoffee I believe you misspelled "stinker"
2 TwinsDingers Yeah at least both teams arent wearing blue and blue or red and red
2 badcoffee #MLBCOLORRUSH
2 badcoffee Buckle up, its going to be a looooooooooonnnnggg game
2 Joel Hernandez It's just our culture
2 badcoffee I think he is actually going to be sitting tonight
2 less cowbell, more 'neau I hope "No" wins the poll
2 TwinsDingers Pelfrey will pitch an amazing game tonight :wink:
2 less cowbell, more 'neau "No" is barely ahead
2 NJG319 The Twins DFA'd Danny Santana
2 less cowbell, more 'neau Alright someone get the computer away from the kids
2 badcoffee The Twins 3rd best defensive SS is at SS
1 badcoffee Alright kids, I'm outta here
1 SooFoo Fan Ok, guys, ease off on the spam
1 TwinsDingers [no title]
1 CG19 And everything I already am
1 TawnyFroggy That is everything I want to be.
1 CG19 Quantity over quality
1 CG19 First try
1 SooFoo Fan Pelfrey battles his inner demons and his past
1 blackmankitteh nice to see Bux have a good night
1 myjah WHAT IN THE FUCKING DEVIL IS THIS!?!?!?!!?
1 wayback NOT LOSING
1 NJG319 [no title]
1 CG19 Guaranteed sellout at Guaranteed Rate
1 Gunnarthor [no title]
1 SooFoo Fan [no title]
1 TwinsDingers "In the break in the action, here's a popular clip from Mlb.com"
1 kenzertz LHP Pedro Hernandez
1 Joel Hernandez At least it's not Mike Pelfrey
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Can't be done
1 TawnyFroggy There is a button for it.
1 less cowbell, more 'neau [no title]
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Could Pelfrey pitch to contact so hard even he couldn't not hit it?
1 Joel Hernandez One of these day Wile E Coyote will catch the road runner
1 CG19 I've never tried this
1 CG19 It was his hat Mr. Krabs
1 NJG319 Joe Mauer Breaks Homerun Record
1 Joel Hernandez What are you, French
1 NJG319  Buckle up, its going to be a looooooooooonnnnggg game
1 badcoffee Awh, hec(tor)!
1 NJG319 Danny Santana Dies
1 badcoffee BIG TIME DONG!
1 CG19 I thought that link would be a 404 error
1 kenzertz Fool me once, shame...shame on you.
1 CG19 And now he's 404 not found
1 SooFoo Fan GO TWINS GO! btw
1 badcoffee he also decided to play 3 outfielders this year
1 kenzertz GO TWINS GO!!!
1 Joel Hernandez I have an interview early tomorrow morning
1 kenzertz The Twins best defensive SS is at 2nd base.
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Rec'd
1 TwinsDingers The picture for this thread is AMAZING btw
1 NJG319 Breaking news
1 badcoffee wreck'd!
1 CG19 This was the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals
1 less cowbell, more 'neau That's why Buxton is playing
1 CG19 TWINS TRADE MIGUEL SANO
1 badcoffee TIL: SBN Autobanner is liberal college student
1 myjah It's real
1 badcoffee *NOTED SASQUATCH ENTHUSIAST ANTHONY SWARZAK
1 badcoffee THEY THREW AT CASTRO AGAIN
1 badcoffee GO TWINS GO
1 TwinsDingers spelled molitor wong lol
1 CG19 Castro will wage war on the White Sox
1 badcoffee THEY HIT OUR GUY!
1 badcoffee They did him "cut on christmas eve" bad
1 badcoffee So, I read that as Da-nominater-ate-our-pie
1 TwinsDingers And I spell "wrong" wrong
1 Joel Hernandez Jeez why don't they ride a bike
1 CG19 This attack on Castro will be about as effective as the Bay of Pigs

In a surprising victory, it turns out you guys decided that no, no I should not have put a poll in that gamethread.