Okay let’s get the bad news out of the way first. Kyle Gibson started the game and he pitched like poop. Smelly gross poop. He gave up six runs in six innings on 12 hits. Even with no real sterling replacements in mind, he has to be running out of chances.
Didn’t matter though! Gibson could have pitched like double poop and the game would have barely felt closer, because the Twins scored a bajillion runs on a franchise record setting 28 hits. To recap all the damage I’m going to split the team into two. The Eds and the non-Eds. Let’s do those special snowflake non-Eds first.
NOT AN ED RECAP
The Twins had two 7 run innings tonight, as well as a 4 run one. Surprisingly the damage was basically done without walks too, as the only Twins to take a base on balls were Ehire Adrianza and my future husband Max Kepler who both did it in the 8th while being pitched to by Seattle’s backup catcher Carlos Ruiz.
The damage was largely done on singles (only two extra base hits, one off of Ruiz) and dingers. My future ex-husband Max Kepler hit his 8th dong of the year, while Brian Dozier hit his 11th. Every starter found themselves with a multi-hit game except for Joe Mauer who could only muster the one. Every starter also managed at least one run, and all but Mauer and Robbie Grossman drove in a run.
Oh and Relief Ace/Backup Catcher Chris Gimenez faced Relief Ace/Backup Catcher Carlos Ruiz in the 8th in what was surely the most anticipated at-bat of the year, and won the battle with a double.
That’s pretty good, I think.
AN ED RECAP
It was a good day to be an Ed. If you are an Ed and you had a bad day, I apologize. Come to my house, I’ll give you some pizza. Eduardo Escobar smacked 5 singles for day and made some nice plays on the field. He ended up driving in 2 and scoring 2. That’s a pretty good Ed, but Eddie Rosario was the one of the best Eds of all day.
Rosario hit three dongs to net himself 5 RBIs! That’s a lot of dongs if you couldn’t tell. He now has 8 on the season.
I also have to end this recap.
The Twins rise to 33-28, putting further distance between them and Cleveland who lost today to the Dodgers. As a comedy joke, Kyle Gibson was awarded the win and some guy named Christian Bergman gets the L. I assume he’s a pitcher for the Mariners. That would make the most sense.
STUDS AMONG STUDS:
Aforementioned Eds: 5 hits or 3 HRs.
Kennys Vargas: 4 hits, 4 runs, 2 RBI
DUDS AMONG STUDS:
(Gibson though) TWINS WIN (also Mauer)
ROLL THIS CALL, ROBOT
|2||less cowbell, more 'neau||59|
|12||Pau from the sky-tinted water||16|
I had a comment picked out for COtD but I can’t remember what it was. Too much happened. It was a regular Dong Fest out there.