Twins 9, White Sox 7: Dollar a Dong Night

It was a tense and high scoring affair full of homeruns, walks and runners left on base. While starter Ervin Santana is in the middle of violently regressing to the mean, the offense happily remembered that scoring a lot of runs really really helps win ballgames.

The Twins started off their day the right way in the bottom of the 1st when future perennial all-star Miguel Sano launched a two run bomb over the center-field fence. For his part, Ervin Santana worked around two singles in the first and a lead-off double in the second to pitch a scoreless first two innings. This luck would run out hard in the 3rd inning. This luck would slide headfirst into first and still be out by a mile.

Melky Cabrera and Jose Abreu hit back to back doubles, soon followed by Avisail Garcia and Matt Davidson hitting back go back dongerinos. When asked in the post game “what the hell?” Ervin simply replied that he likes symmetry, apparently.

The Sox didn’t get to enjoy the 4-2 lead long, for in the bottom of that very same inning the Twins kicked back. Totally rad, dude. With one out, Miguel Sano walked (it would haunt™) and quickly moved over to second when Robbie Grossman followed up with a single, and then scored when Joe Mauer did the same.

Kennys Vargas approached the plate.

“What is that extra s in your name for?” asked Chicago starter Derek Holland.

“It stands for ‘shut up and pitch the ball I’m about to hit a three run dong nearly 500 feet.” Vargas replied.

“My, that is a mouthful.” Holland granted. “I can see why you shortened that to just an s.”

Then Holland pitched the ball and Vargas hit it very very much over the fence. Here is a link to the video of the 483 monster dong, which happens to be the longest hit by a Twin in the statcast era!

The Twins still weren’t done with the 3rd. Eddie Rosario would single and steal second, later being driven in by a Jason Castro single that drove Holland out of the game.

In the 5th, the White Sox brought in two runs, but in the bottom half of the same inning, Byron Buxton answered by singling in one of his own, keeping the Twins up by 2. Feeling left out of the slugfest, Jose Abreu hit his own dinger in the sixth. It was a solo affair, leaving the Twins still leading by one. The Sox would leave a two runners on (including one at third) in the 6th, 7th and 8th, but the Twins bullpen managed to bail out enough water to stay afloat.

Avisail Garcia would give the Twins some insurance runs in the 9th by being a bad fielder and making 2 errors. Brandon Kintzler wouldn’t need them, however, as he earned the save with a 1-2-3 ninth. With the win, and a Cleveland loss, the Twins make up a game and now trail the AL-Central leading Indians by 1.5 games.

STUDS:
Vargas: Big dong.
Mauer: 2 for 4, 2 runs, a walk, and an RBI. Pretty much a gold-glove first baseman at this point.
Buxton: 2 for 3 with a walk.
Kintzler: Three consecutive outs by a member of the Twins bullpen?????????!!!!!!!

DUDS:
(This space intentionally left blank, Twins win.)

Comment of the Gamethread because I said so:

MNWildcat: “My kingdom for one fucking reliever.”

Just provide me with your full legal name and a valid credit card number and I will send you the official Twinkle Town Comment Award Gift Bag!

ROCK-EM SOCK-EM ROBOT ROLL CALL

Have a nice life, assholes.