clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Twins 4, White Sox 2: Not Dead Yet, Getting Better

New, 26 comments

And it totally wasn’t all dependent on a Sano bomb. OK, he helped. He’s a helper.

Chicago White Sox v Minnesota Twins
I am not into him! Shut up!
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

Like, I’ve heard this Miguel Sano guy is, like, way dreamy and stuff? He’s super-duper strong. My Mom says he could totally whup my Dad’s ass. But Mom thinks pretty much anybody could kick Dad’s ass. She says it all the time. “That geriatric lump begging for change at the offramp is more of a man than you,” Mom says. Dad just says “itch.”

But, so, even though Miggy (I call him Miggy in my heart journal, and DON’T YOU READ IT, except, if I left it out this one time, maybe you can) did hit his super-sweet 18th homer of the season, that’s not why the Twins scored three runs that inning. That’s so not that! It was, like, a bunch of singles, and guys who ran home even though the batter guy made an out, because those points count or something, and this is why baseball is tots boring.

OK, so, I’ve heard the Twins’ bullpen has troubles? And I so would have cared, maybe, a year ago? But last Labor Day this bull at the State Fair peed all over my new shoes for school, and I had to wear my shoes from May, and Monica got all the attention, even though I was GOING TO WEAR those exact same shoes before the stupid bull peed on them!

Anyways, Jose Berrios pitched eight innings, struck out eight guys, and gave the bullpen a rest, as if I care about bulls. I mean, like, bulls, just go away. Ewwwww.

Brandon Kintzler got the save with ten pitches.

My Dad so typed that last part! I don’t know what a save is, but Dad said “your Mom’s sisters are drinking wine downstairs, and I’d do anything to escape those pitches.” So he came in here and typed some stuff, which, whatever. I don’t care, but I’m sick of him griping about his job and his “big responsibilities” at the test lab and “one of these days, I’m going to release the prototype virus and wipe out all the human vermin” and it’s SOOOOOOO boring, he says it like, over and over, it’s annoying.

Robot Roll Call: