Human meme Bartolo Colon made his Twins debut today, starting the game against the Nuevo-Yorkshire Yankerinos. His first inning was pure bliss, as he soft-tossed a 1-2-3 inning capping in a caught-looking strikeout of Aaron Judge who is probably actually from Jotunheim. Ain’t no rules says a Jotunkind can’t play ball.
In their half, Brian Dozier and Zack Granite led off with back-to-back walks. Later, Miguel Sano got plunked to load the bases with one out. Max Kepler didn’t do anything good with that, but Robbie Grossman made the (first) walk haunt with his own walk, when he walked to first while Dozier walked home to score the first run. Miguel Sano would get his revenge with a solo dong in the 3rd.
For his part, Colon’s second and third were scoreless, and he even fielded his position like a big sexy cat. The Yankees strung a few hits together to get one in the 4th, but a Jason Castro double followed by a Brian Dozier triple got the run back. Dozier was stranded there, of course, because runners left on base are all the rage this year, apparently.
Then the 5th arrived and the big sexy cat started pitching about as well as one might expect an actual big sexy cat to. Like imagine you are the Twins owner and you are on some African safari and you see a Cheetah and are all “That’s a damn fine cat.” because I don’t know, you have some issues and are into that kind of thing. So you sign him to a minor league contract and eventually let him start in the majors. Pretty weird decision making skills there, Pohlad. Seek help.
I, uh, what? Was I recapping a game? Anyway of course the Yankees scored 5 in the 5th, including a two-run Didi Gregorious home-run. Goodbye Bartolo. See you in retirement.
Not much happened after that. A plague of mayflies invaded Target Field looking for Colon’s food stash (this wouldn’t have happened in the dome) and made it look like really annoying snowfall. The Twins loaded the bases in the 8th but decided not to score because hey! Why not? Joe Mauer walked to start the bottom of the 9th. As they say, it ain’t over until its over. Then it was over, so it was really over.
Twins drop to 47-46 and will look to win the series anyway tomorrow.
Sano: Did the dong thing.
Hildenberger: Got out of a jam like some sort of good relief-pitcher.
Eddie Rosario: 7 men left on base. 7.
Roll Call Thing
|4||less cowbell, more 'neau||31|
|11||Can't Read Good||11|
|22||The Empire Strikes Out||2|
I’m sorry I talked so much. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again. Also that’s a solid amount of recs! I like it, you guys are usually so stingy (unless you are reccing all of one guy’s comments for comedic effect.)
Have a nice day, I love you all! (Except you. You know who you are.)