The Twins announced a series of events at Target Field honoring the 30th anniversary of the team’s 1987 World Series title. The weekend of July 20-22 will see commemorative Budweiser steins, a Tom Kelly statue, a player reunion, and Billy Joel-themed fireworks for some reason.
In a Twinkie Town exclusive, we’ve uncovered a list of rejected anniversary celebration ideas and are sharing them with you now.
- Steve Lombardozzi and Dan Gladden re-enact their fight on the front lawn of one lucky season-ticket holder.
- Who wants to give Keith Atherton a ride home from this?
- Children’s Day at the Dog Track with Tom Kelly, with tips on wagering and ruining Todd Walker.
- Juan Berenguer’s Trenchcoat Challenge!!! (unknown what this means).
- It looks like Junior Ortiz is here because he got the years mixed up so everyone pretend it’s the 26th anniversary of the 1991 World Series for awhile.
- Hennepin County Library Presents: A group reading of Frank Deford’s Kirby Puckett article from Sports Illustrated that bums everyone out.
- Mike Smithson shares his most colorful names for what Ron Davis did to his start on September 27, 1984.
- Sal Butera’s Crimefinders (unknown what this means).
- Can Mark Davidson sleep on your couch lottery.
- George Frazier is TC Bear the rest of the year because he doesn’t have much going on and could honestly use the work.
- A Kids with Weird Names Can Survive Middle School Even Though Their Parents Just Didn’t Know Better or Are Actively Harmful breakout session with Randy Bush and Dick Such.
- The “Is That Al Newman or LaVelle E. Neal III?” Racist Uncle Challenge.
- A roundtable discussion of when Gary Gaetti got religion and it made Kent Hrbek sad.
- Mistakes Made, Lessons Learned, and Moving Forward: The Society for Better Nicknames on the baffling case of Frank “Sweet Music” Viola.
The team refused to discuss the list, but a front office source did ask if anyone has a place for Mark Davidson to crash as the hotel booking got jacked up and they’re in “a real fucking jam here.”