Grading the Twins’ 2017 non-waiver trade deadline moves

July has passed, and another MLB trade deadline has come and gone. Although the Twins didn’t somehow turn out on the right end of a hot-potato game with Ricky Nolasco this year, they still did pretty good.

How good? I would like to review the moves they made and also grade them for you. Last year, I graded the Twins’ deadline moves according to the USDA’s grading system for apples. That ended up being sort of stupid. This year, instead, I will be grading the Twins’ trade deadline moves according to the ISU Judging System used to judge the figure skating disciplines of men's and ladies' singles, pair skating, ice dancing, and synchronized skating.

Don’t worry. My grades will be about just as accurate as they would be according to any other grading system.

Without further ado:

Move One: July 24th, 017

Atlanta Braves Gives Us: P Jaime Garcia, C Anthony Recker

Minnesota Twins Gives Up: P Huascar Ynoa

Analysis: When the Twins made this trade, they were just a couple games out of first place and looked like they were going all in. The inclusion of rando-Recker—a fringe MLB catcher—didn’t make sense until later, when we learned about his glorious ass when the Twins traded John Ryan Murphy (see below).

Ynoa, at just 19-years-old, was a very small price to pay in this trade. The Twins agreed to pay the rest of Garcia’s $4.5 million contract in return, which sounds great to me because my name isn’t Jim Pohlad and this ain’t my bill so who cares.

Trade Grade: So it turns outs the ISU’s Judging System for ice skating is way more complicated than I had anticipated. Because I’m committed to bringing you the best Minnesota Twins analysis on the internet, however, I studied it and powered through it and determined the Twins get a 31.29 for this trade move.

Move Two: July 27th, 2017

Arizona Diamondbacks Give Us: P Gabriel Moya

Minnesota Twins Give Up: C John Ryan Murphy

Analysis: Remember that catcher with way too many names that the Twins got from the Yankees for Aaron Hicks? We traded that guy. Me, your Mom, and your dog were all astonished the Twins got anything at all for John Paul Ryan Recker Peter Best Murphy, who had been struggling pretty mightily at Triple-A. But best of luck you you, Murphy. Considering we got a live, human being in this trade I’m calling it a win.

Grade: Let’s go with 32.11.

Move Three: July 30th 2017

New York Yankees Give Us: P Zack Littell, P Dietrich Enns

Minnesota Twins Give Up: P Jaime Garcia (plus $4 million some for his salary)

Analysis: This was probably the one trade that really came out of nowhere for Twins fans. Less than week after acquiring him, the Twins moved Jaime Garcia to the Yankees for TWO pitching prospects. The Twins were able to nab the young two pitchers because they agreed to still pay the rest of Garcia’s $4 Million-ish salary—and thus, essentially just bought some nice pitching prospects. Sneaky move!

Grade: Ummm... 36.61.

Move Four: July 31st, 2017

Washington Nationals Give Us: P Tyler Watson and $500,000 in international bonus pool money

Minnesota Twins Give Up: P Brandon Kintzler

Analysis: WHY NOT? Kintzler has been great in the Twins bullpen this year, making the All-Star Team and what-not, but he’s a free agent at the end of the season. He was one of the Twins’ most sell-able assets, and unsurprisingly the Twins dealt him. There was basically not much to lose here in the long run for the Twins.

My favorite part of the deal was that Kintzler was at a zoo feeding a rhino when he found out he was traded.

Grade: 33.88?

Overall Twins Trade Deadline Grade: 35.69

I tried watching figure-skating videos to match up these grades, but I gave up about half-way through the first one and just sort of eye-balled all these scores.

Who am I kidding? I haven’t watched any ice skating since Sochi. I actually just looked at some scoring sheets and all-time high-scores and eye-balled all of this. Sorry, not sorry. I don’t mean to dis ice skating, but I’ve lived in Minnesota for over 20 years of my life and still don’t get it, so I don’t think I would have started now anyway.

Overall, though, the Twins handled this deadline very nicely. I think they maximized their value and made the right moves.

What do you think?