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Twins 4, Brewers 0: Colon proving he’ll quit when he’s dang ready

Seven shutout innings from the Twins’ midseason midsection acquisition.

Minnesota Twins v Milwaukee Brewers
In this picture, where is the baseball?
Photo by Stacy Revere/Getty Images

Twins SP Bartolo Colon lasted seven innings, threw 101 pitches, allowed six baserunners and no runs.

You’re going to tell me when I’m done? I tell y’all when I’m done. I’ve been in this game so long, I’ve gotten a hit in the old Milwaukee County stadium.

With two outs in inning numero dos, the struggling Jorge Polanco put Minnesota ahead via a two-out double.

I’m nicknamed Big Sexy as a joke because I’m overweight. The New York Post followed my wife and kids around while my marriage was falling apart. I’m 44, and I’m still doing stuff kids in their prime can’t do.

Brian Dozier hit a solo dong during inning numero tres. An error by Brewers 2B Eric Sogard in the seventh, and subsequent Miguel Sano double, gave Minnesota all the lead they’d need.

Taylor Rogers & Matt Belisle came in and pitched two perfect innings, amassing five strikeouts, because this year’s Twins team exists solely to futz with our minds.

You come from the poverty I came from? You do what I’ve done? You go through what I’ve gone through? No? Then you don’t get to say when I’m done. I say when I’m done.

In non-Twins baseball news, the Cardinals tonight got interrupted by a wild kittycat.

Your Comment Of The Game Thread comes from Win-MIN-Twins. I love it because I don’t remotely understand it, yet it reads beautifully, like a short poem about life’s disappointments:

Every time I see the Brewers' first base coach,

I ask, "Is that Mike Gallego?"

Robot Roll Call: