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Twins, Mauer at loss to explain ‘Sexx Dragon’ nickname

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“We can’t return the jerseys without incurring a penalty,” says team source. “We’re not made of money.”

Gatorade All-Star Workout Day Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

The announcement of MLB Players Weekend custom jerseys was not without controversy for the Minnesota Twins, as one nickname was met with shock by fans and local religious leaders.

“In this time when parents have enough trouble keeping their kids on the straight and narrow, it’s disappointing that one of their role models would contribute to the coarsening of our culture,” said Rev. Bart Hoseck of the Lakeville Prosperity Gospel Church.

That role model is Twins first baseman Joe Mauer, who was at a loss to explain why his Players Weekend jersey reads “SEXX DRAGON” above the number 7.

“I didn’t even put in a nickname,” said Mauer. “Mom’s gonna be pretty steamed.”

Neither Minnesota’s front office nor MLB officials had a good explanation for the alleged mix-up.

“We believe Joe when he says he didn’t do it,” said Twins GM Thad Levine. “He even said that while dragons are cool, they’re also ‘real scary sometimes’. He’s not going to do something scary.”

“We told players to avoid nicknames that might be controversial or considered in poor taste,” said Bob Bowman, MLB’s president of business and media. “We even had a group review all the submissions to make sure nothing slipped through the cracks. I’m at a loss for how ‘SEXX DRAGON’ made the cut. Dragons aren’t even sexual beings. They’re asexual, as far as Major League Baseball is concerned.”

As for altering the jersey to a more family-friendly nickname or just the standard “MAUER”, the team insisted it’s not going to happen.

“We could destroy the ones we’ve made and get new ones, but we just spent $4 million on that (Jaime) Garcia trade,” said a team source. “Like I told the maternity ward where we just sent 1000 souvenir Joe Mauer onesies with ‘LIL’ SEXX DRAGON’ on the back: We’re not made of money.”