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Indians 8, Twins 1: Barto-oh, oh...oh no

Turns out giving up one million homers is a bad idea.

MLB: Cleveland Indians at Minnesota Twins Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Look. I have some bad news. You should sit down. You know how some things are described as win-win? Well this is win-win if both wins are Cleveland’s. Metaphorical wins, they don’t get two actual baseball wins.

Though the Twins scored first thanks to Byron Buxton singling in Eddie Rosario in the second, and although Bartolo Colon managed to load the bases in the 2nd with no outs and then get out of it through sheer sexy magic, there wasn’t much good to speak of.

The Indians hit Bartolo Colon’s 87 MPH fastball as if it was an 87 MPH fastball. The dongs were out in force. Like a gaggle, a whole gaggle of dongs. Carlos Santana, Jason Kipnis and Edwin Encarnacion all hit solo bombs at various times off the big old man. In the 7th Austin Jackson hit the three run variant off of his new best buddy, Buddy Boshers. Carlos Santana hit a two run dinger in the 9th off of Dietrech Enns, making me have to come back and edit this paragraph that I had already written in the 7th. Dammit, Carlos.

Everyone cried. Twins lose. We’ll get them tomorrow!

Oh, also Miguel Sano made one of the best plays I’ve ever seen a third basemen make. I can’t embed MLB video still, but CLICK THIS. You seriously need to see this throw!

STUDS: NO STUDS TWINS LOSE (I’m trying to start a new trend where I get to be lazy during losses too.)

DUDS: Bartolo, Pretty much the entire offense.


# Commenter # Comments
1 Brandon Brooks 40
2 SooFoo Fan 40
3 James Fillmore 39
4 Win-MIN-Twins 21
5 Coach Farmer 19
6 CG19 15
7 Joel Hernandez 12
8 TJ Gorsegner 12
9 myjah 9
10 gintzer 8
11 Bb_referee 7
12 Devereaux 5
13 Rahil Modi 5
14 blackmankitteh 4
15 TawnyFroggy 4
16 TeamCrazyMatt 4
17 Name-Game 3
18 Pau from the sky-tinted water 2
19 Nick Rothe 2
20 Gunnarthor 2
21 GopherinSoCal 1
22 Daniel Carlson 1
23 freebirdmaster 1
24 less cowbell, more 'neau 1
25 AdoreAdorno 1
# Recs Commenter Comment Link
6 Joel Hernandez Did you try being a power ranger instead
6 TJ Gorsegner They wouldn't let me be the pink ranger
6 Brandon Brooks I wondered this too, and the answer is crazy.
5 SooFoo Fan After the game they're gonna tear down Target Field
5 TJ Gorsegner Its rare that people recognize this. Even rarer when they realize I control what kind of price they get...
3 Win-MIN-Twins I say that fastball should henceforth be known as Colon Blow.
3 Win-MIN-Twins [no title]
3 Brandon Brooks I thought you were speechless
3 SooFoo Fan First 10,000 fans get to help in the digging process.
3 gintzer Knock out a homerun, shout a hip hooray! Cheer for the Minnesota Twins today!
2 James Fillmore Haha
2 SooFoo Fan Ooof
2 James Fillmore Twins need to get that catcher
2 myjah ewwwwwwwwwwwww
2 James Fillmore Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance
2 TJ Gorsegner probably makes them jelly
2 James Fillmore Good idea
2 James Fillmore So high-wire power repairman is out
2 James Fillmore Well, if they have a mutually satisfactory relationship, then yes
2 Daniel Carlson [no title]
2 SooFoo Fan Sandy Dallas Bar is really carving us up
2 SooFoo Fan This has been a "Mildly depressing factoid" w/ SooFoo Fan
2 TJ Gorsegner fracking toasters
2 Brandon Brooks Unsubscribe
2 Joel Hernandez You can be the one to sell fans on why Joe Mauer isn't the problem for the Twins
2 James Fillmore Please and thank you are vastly under appreciated words
2 SooFoo Fan how much is honey nut cheerios paying that guy to say that?
2 James Fillmore They have his children hostage
2 James Fillmore I knew a guy who cleaned skyscraper windows
2 James Fillmore Before you leave
2 James Fillmore Go Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Go
2 TeamCrazyMatt Currently accidentally locked in the family cellar
2 SooFoo Fan 0-30*
2 gintzer I was a weiner winner at a Vikings game once. Save the jokes.
2 SooFoo Fan Must be a bug
2 SooFoo Fan Maybe
2 Nick Rothe [no title]
2 myjah I'm more flabbergasted over the Washington Football teams name
2 Joel Hernandez Where my homies at
2 TawnyFroggy 6.66 ERA currently for Bartolo
1 Brandon Brooks 5) Too aroused, too early at night.
1 SooFoo Fan Huh
1 TeamCrazyMatt UPDATE: Out of the cellar
1 Win-MIN-Twins Is that what you do after you smell it?
1 Brandon Brooks Just another reason to love baseball.
1 Joel Hernandez In Golf we will be winning
1 SooFoo Fan BUXTON!
1 CG19 Most people will choose all of the above
1 James Fillmore Mauer will click on 3) repeatedly
1 Brandon Brooks His wife, proba--
1 Brandon Brooks Remember in 2015 when we were down 6-1 to the Tigers and scored all those runs?
1 Joel Hernandez What about videos about cats?
1 James Fillmore No
1 James Fillmore Featuring Noam Chomsky, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Naomi Klein, and Weird Al Yankovic
1 Brandon Brooks Well, yuck
1 Pau from the sky-tinted water Huge series here
1 Joel Hernandez What I am hearing is it will be a good idea for me to create a website called Youtube
1 James Fillmore Always my favorite thing about old radio broadcasts before the internet
1 gintzer The Twins must conquer the Native Americans this week in a crucial series.
1 James Fillmore This season so reminds me of 2001
1 James Fillmore Astros = in SPACE = 2001
1 James Fillmore I wonder who goes down for Perkins
1 James Fillmore The Cylons will be mad if you destroy their Earth embassy
1 James Fillmore And now he's doing less OK
1 James Fillmore Go regional franchise with trademarked logo
1 Coach Farmer I don't know all the words either, Twins!
1 Rahil Modi This umpire sucks
1 SooFoo Fan Bases loaded nobody out
1 James Fillmore NCAA has a rule
1 Brandon Brooks In all seriousness, it's .799.
1 TeamCrazyMatt Escaped
1 CG19 I don't want a dangerous job
1 TJ Gorsegner My job is long spurts of inactivity punctuated by small bouts of annoying bullshit
1 James Fillmore The name isn't so bad
1 Brandon Brooks The baseball subreddit is where I get most of my coverage and discussion fix.
1 TJ Gorsegner Well you know, Manifest destiny and all that has nothing to do with that factiod
1 Joel Hernandez There you guys are
1 SooFoo Fan Not a lot of memes happening for the Twins offense
1 Win-MIN-Twins If they go a few stops down on the train to the Vikings' stadium,
1 gintzer I don't see how that one is not offensive. Pau is right - $$
1 Brandon Brooks Super Rosario must have a Fire Flower because he is HOT
1 Brandon Brooks That guy's name?
1 freebirdmaster LETS GOOOOOO
1 TJ Gorsegner I've been distracted by shiny things
1 CG19 Aren't you stealing Rahil Mahdi's job?
1 James Fillmore Nuclear howitzer from beyond infinity
1 James Fillmore Atteberry is suing for copyright infringement

Have a good applicable time-span!