Padres 3, Twins 0: Chacin, When The Walls Fell

Jhoulys Chacin limited the Twins to three hits, making it possible for San Diego to outscore the Twins with only four hits of their own. A strong outing by Jose Berrios was wasted, thanks to the stymied offense and an eighth-inning, two-run coffin nail served up by Alan “Deez” Busenitz.

Really, how much more is there to say? Your Comments Of The Game Thread basically involved several accomplished professional adults getting progressively more wasted, as it seemed though either Chacin was dealing pure fire or the Twins have fallen below the event horizon of Give A Poop.

Padres reliever Brad Hand registered his seventh save of the season. Bradley Richard Hand is a Minneapolis native and graduated high school in Chaska. Around the time he was born, a friend of mine showed me how to go target shooting in the woods while ripped to the gills on acid. Best part about this? Cops showed up. And they did not even care. Instead, they practiced shooting beer bottles and dumpster-dived broken appliances with us. I was better with a .38 or lower, the cops were better with bigger caliber bullets. There is too much insanity in this story for me to comment upon, except — really, Brad Hand? 1990? How can anybody be that young?

Your offense for the Twins consisted of singles by Byron Buxton, Eduardo Escobar, and Miguel Sano. Not in consecutive fashion, obviously, re: final score. Berrios had one of his best games this season, getting through seven innings with only 75 pitches. He didn’t plunk anybody this time, and only walked two. His four-strikeout-total doesn’t do justice to how well he was keeping San Diego’s hitters off-balance.

TT badass TawnyFroggy’s Internet died, which is why you’re getting this half-assed recap. Be sure and check out the Padres preview their site writer did here. Robot Roll Call: