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Twins 4, White Sox 1: Kyle Gibson’s Magical Adventure


MLB: Cleveland Indians at Minnesota Twins Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Long long ago (minutes) in a land far away (from some of you, presumably) there was a young man named Kyle Gibson. He wished to be a great baseball pitcher, but kept giving up all of the hits. “Do not give up all of the hits, Kyle.” Said some guy, illustrating this point. “Okay.” Said Kyle, not yet knowing how to do that.

So Kyle went on a long quest to find the wise monk who trained beneath the waterfall at the end of the rainbow. The monk gave him a magical ball, forged by Egyptian smiths under a blue moon. Then, with the slightest of smiles he whispered a few words into Kyle’s ear.

“Just load the bases and then strike them all out.”

Kyle’s mouth fell agape. He had stared and into the abyss and the abyss gave him a wink.

“It was right in front of me all along.”


Gibson gave up a run earlier by going straight to the wild wild pitch, starring Will Smith. In the 2nd he loaded the bases with one out and it seemed like it was going to be a long day of THAT Kyle Gibson. Instead he struck out some guy named Adam Engel, and then got Leury Garcia to end the inning with a groundout.

In the 3rd, he allowed a double, single and walk to start the inning and then just struck out the side. Just flawless execution of this hot new strategy. Gibson then went on until the 8th, pitching actually good baseball instead of magically happy acrobatic tight-rope cartwheels baseball.

On the Twins side of the bat, smashing dongs dingers was once again the meat of the damage. Jorge Polanco who is H-O-T-T- (The extra T is for extra talent) hot, hit a solo homerun in the 4th. Kennys Vargas added one in the 5th, trying to stick for what I think is his 489th chance with the big league team. Eddie Rosario hit one in the 6th with Joe Mauer on for the last of the Twins runs.

Old friend Mike Pelfrey pitched the 8th and 9th for the White Sox, who he apparently plays for now. He still looks like a giant horse person, so that’s neat. Trevor Hilldenberger pitched a 1-2-3 8th, while Matt Belisle faced only 3 men in the 9th thanks to a double play.

The Twins rise to 65-50 while the White Sox fall to, holy crap, 48-76. Oh the poor fools. I can’t even IMAGINE following a team that bad.

Kyle Gibson: Strategic pioneer and major league pitcher
Those guys that I said homered earlier: You know the ones.
Hilldenboiga and Belyle: Quick 8th and 9th so I can sleep earlier.



# Commenter # Comments
1 TeamCrazyMatt 43
2 TawnyFroggy 35
3 Coach Farmer 34
4 TJ Gorsegner 34
5 Can't Read Good 33
6 SooFoo Fan 32
7 Brandon Brooks 28
8 MNWildcat 27
9 NoahRJ 25
10 CG19 19
11 archie2227 19
12 James Fillmore 12
13 myjah 11
14 less cowbell, more 'neau 8
15 blackmankitteh 8
16 b1 6
17 Rahil Modi 6
18 DerTwain 5
19 kenzertz 5
20 Name-Game 2
21 gonzobob 2
22 mefoolonhill 1
23 Panthers FTW 1
24 Uncle Lincoln 1
25 Hayden A 1
26 AdoreAdorno 1
27 sw mn guy 1
28 GuacamoleThief 1
# Recs Commenter Comment Link
5 kenzertz You have a boyfriend?
5 TawnyFroggy Holy shit I forgot how much I loved Uno
5 TawnyFroggy What could go wrong?
5 TawnyFroggy I will shower until the World Series victory parade
5 MNWildcat Just moving Joe over so he wouldn't have to jog as far after that HR.
4 TJ Gorsegner Kinda a lousy advertising slogan for folks with dysfunctional families
4 TJ Gorsegner I love that most gamethreads around here has one or two random topics of conversation come up
4 Can't Read Good When you're here, you're not leaving the table until you finish your plate. I mean it buster.
4 myjah [no title]
4 NoahRJ Matt Belisle is very superstitious and often reads TwinkieTown before he pitches in save situations.
4 SooFoo Fan Uh, everything is under control. Situation normal.
4 Brandon Brooks We're all fine here, thank you
4 TawnyFroggy He has elite plate discipline.
4 TawnyFroggy I will happily ignore your invitation.
4 TawnyFroggy Woah
4 kenzertz Well, they have a great selection at great prices.
4 Can't Read Good when you're there, you're family.
4 TawnyFroggy I was gonna say.
4 TeamCrazyMatt I'll allow it
4 Brandon Brooks Woha, you're right
4 TJ Gorsegner remind me to send you an invite then
4 SooFoo Fan Reason #640: the running jokes
3 myjah My being able to find a matching pair of socks hack:
3 Brandon Brooks Would you believe that it was Danny Santana with a .319 in 2014?
3 TawnyFroggy We played a lot of Risk for some reason
3 NoahRJ An anonymous tipster by the name of Mob Ranfred
3 TJ Gorsegner Waho we are apparently spelling challenged
3 TeamCrazyMatt Second wild card
3 MNWildcat I'd like the Twins to beat the Sox.
3 TJ Gorsegner Subway is the perfect "road trip" food for me -- its not necessarily good, but you know it
3 Brandon Brooks Hildenberger has been fantastic.
3 TeamCrazyMatt Three certainties in life:
3 TawnyFroggy Me too.
3 myjah My boyfriend
3 TeamCrazyMatt "Any of these plus Granite"
3 DerTwain Inferstructure!!!!!!!!
3 TJ Gorsegner What are bats? What kind of mascot is that? Maybe they have a lot of caves?
3 TawnyFroggy Load the bases strat again
3 TJ Gorsegner Kyle Gibson has been like the Applebees of pitchers lately.
3 TJ Gorsegner I don't mind when that kinda place tries that.
3 myjah Not to mention
3 Can't Read Good Meh, I think WAR isn't the end all be all.
2 CG19 He walks
2 archie2227 Lol
2 NoahRJ Don't you dare jinx this shit.
2 archie2227 Have you read Souhan?
2 MNWildcat Getting married next April
2 James Fillmore Earth
2 myjah And honestly
2 TeamCrazyMatt oh the shame
2 TJ Gorsegner Every time that "Colon gives advice" topic comes up, I picture Cerrano explaining the "hats for bats"
2 Brandon Brooks MIKE PELFREY
2 TawnyFroggy I've found my wedding planner.
2 Brandon Brooks Sounds like my Friday nights
2 TeamCrazyMatt That was more outside
2 MNWildcat This is just making me think of Benji's in Milwaukee.
2 Coach Farmer I don't always drink Coors Light
2 Coach Farmer Match made in TwinkieTown!
2 MNWildcat I read it for the articles.
2 Can't Read Good I'll put up with you. Let's get cheesecake.
2 MNWildcat Dozier's reactions when he's rung up are hilarious.
2 James Fillmore I've never written one of these letters before
2 SooFoo Fan Who?
2 less cowbell, more 'neau Thanks Obama
2 kenzertz The guy with 3 HR in his last 3 games just bunted.
2 TawnyFroggy I don't mind where we eat, so it is all good.
2 Can't Read Good 4 guyz.
2 TeamCrazyMatt [no title]
2 NoahRJ I'm so glad we have bullpen arms that don't make me clench my butt every time they pitch.
2 TJ Gorsegner To play what position?
2 TeamCrazyMatt Lots of people I know from college and high school are getting married
2 TeamCrazyMatt Here you go.
2 archie2227 Yum
2 TawnyFroggy The controversial load the bases and then get out of it anyway strategy works!
2 TJ Gorsegner I went through that wave, now I'm in the wave of people (like me) who met their SO after college but before 30
2 TeamCrazyMatt It's Kyle Gibson
2 TJ Gorsegner I mean, I always obey traffic laws and drive safely in only vehicles I own in that game
2 NoahRJ We're sending a squad up
2 NoahRJ UPDATE: I have checked with my sources and they cannot both win.
2 TJ Gorsegner Makes it easier to get an out... just step on the nearest base
2 Brandon Brooks But he likes that too
2 NoahRJ He didn't say beating INTO White Sox
2 TawnyFroggy Nice
2 SooFoo Fan I guess I could pretend that I'm playing GTA
2 Can't Read Good Oh... man oh man... remember Joe's dreamy MVP year?
2 TeamCrazyMatt Never played online
2 NoahRJ You guys, I can't wait until we get to 69 wins.
2 TawnyFroggy Woah
2 TawnyFroggy Took a shower, got back and Twins are winning.
2 NoahRJ How good Joe was from 2006-2013*
2 TJ Gorsegner literally
2 TJ Gorsegner Lol. This is the guy who got drunk and peed on his desk.
2 NoahRJ Ick, no, no, no.
2 TeamCrazyMatt Wild card
2 MNWildcat My apologies if I surprised/offended.
1 SooFoo Fan Uh, uh, negative, negative.
1 SooFoo Fan Where am i
1 Can't Read Good Oh thank goodness. I thought for a second she would say no.
1 Brandon Brooks This game is far from over
1 MNWildcat Gibson almost looked confused hopping off the mound there.
1 blackmankitteh 5 games above .500 now :smile:
1 SooFoo Fan Oh man that is a bad strike call
1 MNWildcat Whew, thank goodness you've returned
1 sw mn guy "You Maniacs!!!1!!! What have you done with the real Kyle Gibson!!!"
1 SooFoo Fan Is it already the 8th inning
1 Can't Read Good "My curveball seems to be working. Have I become a major league pitcher?"
1 NoahRJ Ah, shit, not so anonymous now
1 Coach Farmer They both are, Turley was the 26th man
1 TeamCrazyMatt DANCE PARTY
1 Brandon Brooks Speaking of Justin Morneau, I was looking at some stats
1 James Fillmore From Bollinger
1 Can't Read Good His bibimbop was over .400
1 Brandon Brooks Win 7?
1 Brandon Brooks Yankees won, Angels currently winning early
1 James Fillmore I just like the sex
1 NoahRJ Yeah, I guess that's still legally on the charts.
1 NoahRJ Dear Penthouse
1 Brandon Brooks But before that, yes, Joe Mauer, with a .324 in 2013.
1 Can't Read Good Every time I see BABIP, I say Bibimbop.... which makes me hungry for Korean food.
1 Brandon Brooks The most feared hitter in the league and the most complete player in the AL
1 CG19 Bold strategy
1 Brandon Brooks This is all assuming nojinxnojinx that we nojinxnojinxnojinx win
1 gonzobob It's a quote from a movie
1 Can't Read Good He's had maybe 3 good games this year. This is one of them.
1 MNWildcat I like beating the White Sox.
1 Panthers FTW Die Mauer
1 Can't Read Good BORDERLINE
1 TeamCrazyMatt I surrender
1 James Fillmore W
1 Brandon Brooks Hmm...where am I gonna find theatre friends?
1 Can't Read Good [no title]
1 NoahRJ Or can they?
1 Brandon Brooks Hitting .300 with 18 homers...that is looking pretty.
1 Brandon Brooks [no title]
1 SooFoo Fan That's confusing an unhelpful
1 TawnyFroggy Waho
1 myjah It's honestly sort of weird most of my friends haven't gotten married
1 TJ Gorsegner 5 Guys does a better $7 burger than MickeyD's, but can't do a $2 burger.
1 SooFoo Fan Theory:
1 archie2227 They're in a rough niche
1 TJ Gorsegner wouldn't surprise me. They perfected a model -- Cheap and Quick. Venturing out of that model meant they were competing with the people who had perfected the other model
1 SooFoo Fan Back to the yoga pants
1 TeamCrazyMatt That's about what I was expecting
1 TeamCrazyMatt Dammit
1 Coach Farmer Go back in the shower so we score more runs
1 CG19 What did James Fillmore ever do to you?
1 MNWildcat I'd love a Dozedong.
1 CG19 5 guys is the greatest
1 Coach Farmer There you go Kenny(s)!
1 archie2227 Nothing gross
1 TJ Gorsegner Thats the way I do it.
1 MNWildcat [no title]
1 Coach Farmer Ecce homo, ergo elk
1 James Fillmore You have accomplished your function of training to become an economic contributor
1 myjah One of my best friends is getting married next week
1 TawnyFroggy Can't get into the wild card without a few wild pitches
1 TeamCrazyMatt I have many regrets now
1 myjah Since I have a better streaming method I've been listening to the TV broadcast more than the radio
1 TawnyFroggy That sucks!
1 TeamCrazyMatt Um...
1 CG19 More Gibson bad luck with contact
1 TeamCrazyMatt Their menu has gotten "fancy"
1 AdoreAdorno That was a Gibson Special - Load the bases and strike 'em all out
1 archie2227 Gibby setting some excellent traps
1 archie2227 I'll know more Thur
1 MNWildcat Half-off after 9pm?
1 Coach Farmer Sigh...
1 myjah Dang
1 TJ Gorsegner True story, we went to Olive Garden after we got engaged.
1 Can't Read Good Oh. Well. Junior's Cheesecakes is still open in midtown and in Brooklyn.
1 Can't Read Good good Gibson, when you're making Avisail Garcia upset instead of home runned.
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Fruitist
1 MNWildcat Well it sounds like Applebee's is disappearing as an option...
1 SooFoo Fan Don't want to become a prune
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Kinky!
1 Can't Read Good [no title]
1 TJ Gorsegner eff that place
1 TawnyFroggy Deal
1 Can't Read Good Resolved: That the United Nations should intervene in North Korea.
1 MNWildcat I went to a daycare that wouldn't let us talk at the lunch table until we cleaned our plates.
1 Brandon Brooks Just another thing to add to the list of reasons why I love it here
1 Can't Read Good For me, the appeal of both BWW and Applebees is that a 20 oz happy hour beer is 4 bucks.
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Bummer
1 Coach Farmer OK, you can probably get out of the shower now
1 Brandon Brooks SUPER ROSARIO!
1 TawnyFroggy SooFoo likes "butts" and also "poop"
1 less cowbell, more 'neau HEY!
1 SooFoo Fan I like any writing
1 TeamCrazyMatt .367 OBP
1 DerTwain GO TWINS GO !!!!
1 Can't Read Good [no title]
1 TJ Gorsegner I would suggest avoiding Fox Sports then
1 CG19 Bartolo Colon is a bad influence on Sano and Mejia
1 Brandon Brooks Whao, we're winning!
1 Can't Read Good Sad news. The Carnegie Deli is closed for good.
1 TeamCrazyMatt That was just like Little League
1 kenzertz Classic Mauer double.
1 Can't Read Good 12K is the cheapest that I've ever heard of.
1 TawnyFroggy This is, give or take, my dream wedding.
1 Can't Read Good I've had their margaritas. It's 1.5 oz of liquor and 12 oz of sour mix.

Thanks to TeamCrazyMatt for commenting more than me, because I always feel bad when I comment the most. kenzertz wins comment man of the few hours for his dramatic role in the love-triangle subplot. Expect his thank you speech soon!