Twins 4, White Sox 1: Kyle Gibson’s Magical Adventure

Long long ago (minutes) in a land far away (from some of you, presumably) there was a young man named Kyle Gibson. He wished to be a great baseball pitcher, but kept giving up all of the hits. “Do not give up all of the hits, Kyle.” Said some guy, illustrating this point. “Okay.” Said Kyle, not yet knowing how to do that.

So Kyle went on a long quest to find the wise monk who trained beneath the waterfall at the end of the rainbow. The monk gave him a magical ball, forged by Egyptian smiths under a blue moon. Then, with the slightest of smiles he whispered a few words into Kyle’s ear.

“Just load the bases and then strike them all out.”

Kyle’s mouth fell agape. He had stared and into the abyss and the abyss gave him a wink.

“It was right in front of me all along.”

EGREGIOUSLY OBNOXIOUS INTRO OVER

Gibson gave up a run earlier by going straight to the wild wild pitch, starring Will Smith. In the 2nd he loaded the bases with one out and it seemed like it was going to be a long day of THAT Kyle Gibson. Instead he struck out some guy named Adam Engel, and then got Leury Garcia to end the inning with a groundout.

In the 3rd, he allowed a double, single and walk to start the inning and then just struck out the side. Just flawless execution of this hot new strategy. Gibson then went on until the 8th, pitching actually good baseball instead of magically happy acrobatic tight-rope cartwheels baseball.

On the Twins side of the bat, smashing dongs dingers was once again the meat of the damage. Jorge Polanco who is H-O-T-T- (The extra T is for extra talent) hot, hit a solo homerun in the 4th. Kennys Vargas added one in the 5th, trying to stick for what I think is his 489th chance with the big league team. Eddie Rosario hit one in the 6th with Joe Mauer on for the last of the Twins runs.

Old friend Mike Pelfrey pitched the 8th and 9th for the White Sox, who he apparently plays for now. He still looks like a giant horse person, so that’s neat. Trevor Hilldenberger pitched a 1-2-3 8th, while Matt Belisle faced only 3 men in the 9th thanks to a double play.

The Twins rise to 65-50 while the White Sox fall to, holy crap, 48-76. Oh the poor fools. I can’t even IMAGINE following a team that bad.

STUDS:
Kyle Gibson: Strategic pioneer and major league pitcher
Those guys that I said homered earlier: You know the ones.
Hilldenboiga and Belyle: Quick 8th and 9th so I can sleep earlier.
MIKE PELFREY: FUTURE WHITE SOX BULLPEN ACE???????

DUDS:
NO DUDS TWINS WIN

ROBOTIC ROLLERCALL

#	Commenter	# Comments
1	TeamCrazyMatt	43
2	TawnyFroggy	35
3	Coach Farmer	34
4	TJ Gorsegner	34
5	Can't Read Good	33
6	SooFoo Fan	32
7	Brandon Brooks	28
8	MNWildcat	27
9	NoahRJ	25
10	CG19	19
11	archie2227	19
12	James Fillmore	12
13	myjah	11
14	less cowbell, more 'neau	8
15	blackmankitteh	8
16	b1	6
17	Rahil Modi	6
18	DerTwain	5
19	kenzertz	5
20	Name-Game	2
21	gonzobob	2
22	mefoolonhill	1
23	Panthers FTW	1
24	Uncle Lincoln	1
25	Hayden A	1
26	AdoreAdorno	1
27	sw mn guy	1
28	GuacamoleThief	1

# Recs	Commenter	Comment Link
5	kenzertz	You have a boyfriend?
5	TawnyFroggy	Holy shit I forgot how much I loved Uno
5	TawnyFroggy	What could go wrong?
5	TawnyFroggy	I will shower until the World Series victory parade
5	MNWildcat	Just moving Joe over so he wouldn't have to jog as far after that HR.
4	TJ Gorsegner	Kinda a lousy advertising slogan for folks with dysfunctional families
4	TJ Gorsegner	I love that most gamethreads around here has one or two random topics of conversation come up
4	Can't Read Good	When you're here, you're not leaving the table until you finish your plate. I mean it buster.
4	myjah	[no title]
4	NoahRJ	Matt Belisle is very superstitious and often reads TwinkieTown before he pitches in save situations.
4	SooFoo Fan	Uh, everything is under control. Situation normal.
4	Brandon Brooks	We're all fine here, thank you
4	TawnyFroggy	He has elite plate discipline.
4	TawnyFroggy	I will happily ignore your invitation.
4	TawnyFroggy	Woah
4	kenzertz	Well, they have a great selection at great prices.
4	Can't Read Good	when you're there, you're family.
4	TawnyFroggy	I was gonna say.
4	TeamCrazyMatt	I'll allow it
4	Brandon Brooks	Woha, you're right
4	TJ Gorsegner	remind me to send you an invite then
4	SooFoo Fan	Reason #640: the running jokes
3	myjah	My being able to find a matching pair of socks hack:
3	Brandon Brooks	Would you believe that it was Danny Santana with a .319 in 2014?
3	TawnyFroggy	We played a lot of Risk for some reason
3	NoahRJ	An anonymous tipster by the name of Mob Ranfred
3	TJ Gorsegner	Waho we are apparently spelling challenged
3	TeamCrazyMatt	Second wild card
3	MNWildcat	I'd like the Twins to beat the Sox.
3	TJ Gorsegner	Subway is the perfect "road trip" food for me -- its not necessarily good, but you know it
3	NoahRJ	MATT BELISLE LOVES DP
3	Brandon Brooks	Hildenberger has been fantastic.
3	TeamCrazyMatt	Three certainties in life:
3	TawnyFroggy	Me too.
3	myjah	My boyfriend
3	TeamCrazyMatt	"Any of these plus Granite"
3	DerTwain	Inferstructure!!!!!!!!
3	TJ Gorsegner	What are bats? What kind of mascot is that? Maybe they have a lot of caves?
3	TawnyFroggy	Load the bases strat again
3	TJ Gorsegner	Kyle Gibson has been like the Applebees of pitchers lately.
3	TJ Gorsegner	I don't mind when that kinda place tries that.
3	myjah	Not to mention
3	Can't Read Good	Meh, I think WAR isn't the end all be all.
2	CG19	He walks
2	archie2227	Lol
2	NoahRJ	Don't you dare jinx this shit.
2	archie2227	Have you read Souhan?
2	MNWildcat	Getting married next April
2	James Fillmore	Earth
2	myjah	And honestly
2	TeamCrazyMatt	oh the shame
2	TJ Gorsegner	Every time that "Colon gives advice" topic comes up, I picture Cerrano explaining the "hats for bats"
2	Brandon Brooks	MIKE PELFREY
2	TawnyFroggy	I've found my wedding planner.
2	Brandon Brooks	Sounds like my Friday nights
2	TeamCrazyMatt	That was more outside
2	MNWildcat	This is just making me think of Benji's in Milwaukee.
2	Coach Farmer	I don't always drink Coors Light
2	Coach Farmer	Match made in TwinkieTown!
2	MNWildcat	I read it for the articles.
2	Can't Read Good	I'll put up with you. Let's get cheesecake.
2	MNWildcat	Dozier's reactions when he's rung up are hilarious.
2	James Fillmore	I've never written one of these letters before
2	SooFoo Fan	Who?
2	less cowbell, more 'neau	Thanks Obama
2	kenzertz	The guy with 3 HR in his last 3 games just bunted.
2	TawnyFroggy	I don't mind where we eat, so it is all good.
2	Can't Read Good	4 guyz.
2	TawnyFroggy	MAKE TAWNY'S DREAM WEDDING GREAT AGAIN
2	TeamCrazyMatt	[no title]
2	NoahRJ	I'm so glad we have bullpen arms that don't make me clench my butt every time they pitch.
2	TJ Gorsegner	To play what position?
2	TeamCrazyMatt	Lots of people I know from college and high school are getting married
2	TeamCrazyMatt	Here you go.
2	archie2227	Yum
2	TawnyFroggy	The controversial load the bases and then get out of it anyway strategy works!
2	TJ Gorsegner	I went through that wave, now I'm in the wave of people (like me) who met their SO after college but before 30
2	TeamCrazyMatt	It's Kyle Gibson
2	TJ Gorsegner	I mean, I always obey traffic laws and drive safely in only vehicles I own in that game
2	NoahRJ	We're sending a squad up
2	NoahRJ	UPDATE: I have checked with my sources and they cannot both win.
2	TJ Gorsegner	Makes it easier to get an out... just step on the nearest base
2	Brandon Brooks	But he likes that too
2	NoahRJ	He didn't say beating INTO White Sox
2	TawnyFroggy	Nice
2	SooFoo Fan	I guess I could pretend that I'm playing GTA
2	Can't Read Good	Oh... man oh man... remember Joe's dreamy MVP year?
2	TeamCrazyMatt	Never played online
2	NoahRJ	You guys, I can't wait until we get to 69 wins.
2	TawnyFroggy	Woah
2	TawnyFroggy	Took a shower, got back and Twins are winning.
2	NoahRJ	How good Joe was from 2006-2013*
2	TJ Gorsegner	literally
2	TJ Gorsegner	Lol. This is the guy who got drunk and peed on his desk.
2	NoahRJ	Ick, no, no, no.
2	TeamCrazyMatt	Wild card
2	MNWildcat	My apologies if I surprised/offended.
1	SooFoo Fan	Uh, uh, negative, negative.
1	SooFoo Fan	Where am i
1	Can't Read Good	Oh thank goodness. I thought for a second she would say no.
1	Brandon Brooks	This game is far from over
1	MNWildcat	Gibson almost looked confused hopping off the mound there.
1	blackmankitteh	5 games above .500 now
1	SooFoo Fan	Oh man that is a bad strike call
1	MNWildcat	Whew, thank goodness you've returned
1	sw mn guy	"You Maniacs!!!1!!! What have you done with the real Kyle Gibson!!!"
1	SooFoo Fan	Is it already the 8th inning
1	Can't Read Good	"My curveball seems to be working. Have I become a major league pitcher?"
1	NoahRJ	Ah, shit, not so anonymous now
1	Coach Farmer	They both are, Turley was the 26th man
1	TeamCrazyMatt	DANCE PARTY
1	Brandon Brooks	Speaking of Justin Morneau, I was looking at some stats
1	James Fillmore	From Bollinger
1	Can't Read Good	His bibimbop was over .400
1	Brandon Brooks	Win 7?
1	Brandon Brooks	Yankees won, Angels currently winning early
1	James Fillmore	I just like the sex
1	NoahRJ	Yeah, I guess that's still legally on the charts.
1	NoahRJ	Dear Penthouse
1	Brandon Brooks	But before that, yes, Joe Mauer, with a .324 in 2013.
1	Can't Read Good	Every time I see BABIP, I say Bibimbop.... which makes me hungry for Korean food.
1	Brandon Brooks	The most feared hitter in the league and the most complete player in the AL
1	CG19	Bold strategy
1	Brandon Brooks	This is all assuming nojinxnojinx that we nojinxnojinxnojinx win
1	gonzobob	It's a quote from a movie
1	Can't Read Good	He's had maybe 3 good games this year. This is one of them.
1	MNWildcat	I like beating the White Sox.
1	Panthers FTW	Die Mauer
1	Can't Read Good	BORDERLINE
1	TeamCrazyMatt	I surrender
1	James Fillmore	W
1	Brandon Brooks	Hmm...where am I gonna find theatre friends?
1	Can't Read Good	[no title]
1	NoahRJ	Or can they?
1	Brandon Brooks	Hitting .300 with 18 homers...that is looking pretty.
1	Brandon Brooks	[no title]
1	SooFoo Fan	That's confusing an unhelpful
1	TawnyFroggy	Waho
1	myjah	It's honestly sort of weird most of my friends haven't gotten married
1	TJ Gorsegner	5 Guys does a better $7 burger than MickeyD's, but can't do a $2 burger.
1	SooFoo Fan	Theory:
1	archie2227	They're in a rough niche
1	TJ Gorsegner	wouldn't surprise me. They perfected a model -- Cheap and Quick. Venturing out of that model meant they were competing with the people who had perfected the other model
1	SooFoo Fan	Back to the yoga pants
1	TeamCrazyMatt	That's about what I was expecting
1	TeamCrazyMatt	Dammit
1	SooFoo Fan	FOREARMS
1	Coach Farmer	Go back in the shower so we score more runs
1	CG19	What did James Fillmore ever do to you?
1	MNWildcat	I'd love a Dozedong.
1	CG19	5 guys is the greatest
1	Coach Farmer	There you go Kenny(s)!
1	TeamCrazyMatt	WHAT IS THE PLURAL OF KENNY
1	archie2227	Nothing gross
1	TJ Gorsegner	Thats the way I do it.
1	MNWildcat	[no title]
1	Coach Farmer	Ecce homo, ergo elk
1	James Fillmore	You have accomplished your function of training to become an economic contributor
1	myjah	One of my best friends is getting married next week
1	TawnyFroggy	Can't get into the wild card without a few wild pitches
1	TeamCrazyMatt	I have many regrets now
1	myjah	Since I have a better streaming method I've been listening to the TV broadcast more than the radio
1	TawnyFroggy	That sucks!
1	TeamCrazyMatt	Um...
1	CG19	More Gibson bad luck with contact
1	TeamCrazyMatt	Their menu has gotten "fancy"
1	AdoreAdorno	That was a Gibson Special - Load the bases and strike 'em all out
1	archie2227	Gibby setting some excellent traps
1	archie2227	I'll know more Thur
1	MNWildcat	Half-off after 9pm?
1	Coach Farmer	Sigh...
1	myjah	Dang
1	TJ Gorsegner	True story, we went to Olive Garden after we got engaged.
1	Can't Read Good	Oh. Well. Junior's Cheesecakes is still open in midtown and in Brooklyn.
1	Can't Read Good	good Gibson, when you're making Avisail Garcia upset instead of home runned.
1	less cowbell, more 'neau	Fruitist
1	MNWildcat	Well it sounds like Applebee's is disappearing as an option...
1	SooFoo Fan	Don't want to become a prune
1	less cowbell, more 'neau	Kinky!
1	Can't Read Good	[no title]
1	TJ Gorsegner	eff that place
1	TawnyFroggy	Deal
1	Can't Read Good	Resolved: That the United Nations should intervene in North Korea.
1	MNWildcat	I went to a daycare that wouldn't let us talk at the lunch table until we cleaned our plates.
1	Brandon Brooks	Just another thing to add to the list of reasons why I love it here
1	Can't Read Good	For me, the appeal of both BWW and Applebees is that a 20 oz happy hour beer is 4 bucks.
1	less cowbell, more 'neau	Bummer
1	Coach Farmer	OK, you can probably get out of the shower now
1	Brandon Brooks	SUPER ROSARIO!
1	TawnyFroggy	SooFoo likes "butts" and also "poop"
1	Coach Farmer	HAHAHAHAHAHA
1	less cowbell, more 'neau	HEY!
1	SooFoo Fan	I like any writing
1	TeamCrazyMatt	.367 OBP
1	DerTwain	GO TWINS GO !!!!
1	Can't Read Good	[no title]
1	TJ Gorsegner	I would suggest avoiding Fox Sports then
1	CG19	Bartolo Colon is a bad influence on Sano and Mejia
1	Brandon Brooks	Whao, we're winning!
1	Can't Read Good	Sad news. The Carnegie Deli is closed for good.
1	TeamCrazyMatt	That was just like Little League
1	kenzertz	Classic Mauer double.
1	Can't Read Good	12K is the cheapest that I've ever heard of.
1	TawnyFroggy	This is, give or take, my dream wedding.
1	Can't Read Good	I've had their margaritas. It's 1.5 oz of liquor and 12 oz of sour mix.

Thanks to TeamCrazyMatt for commenting more than me, because I always feel bad when I comment the most. kenzertz wins comment man of the few hours for his dramatic role in the love-triangle subplot. Expect his thank you speech soon!

BYE