Chicago White Sox 4, Minnesota Twins 3: Bullpen loses game, all are astonished

For the first time in 2017, the Minnesota Twins bullpen lost a game after being called in with a lead. Manager Paul Molitor told reporters afterwards, “I’ve never seen anything like this — it might be a portent of the End Days.”

Mercurial (but tending towards hot) starter Ervin Santana didn’t give up a real run until Leury Garcia homered off him in the sixth. (A two-out, bloop triple scored earlier when Jorge Polanco airmailed his pointless throw to third.) “I was confident leaving the game after seven innings,” Santana said. “I had no idea Taylor Rogers and Trevor Hildenberger would promptly pee my win away. This must have something to do with Monday’s eclipse and circadian rhythms and stuff, I can’t explain it.”

Polanco agreed. “Dudes, I like so totally nailed my fourth homer in three games. Does anybody think I can do this? The moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligned with Mars, or something. When our bullpen lost the lead, I wanted to majorly hurl, bro.” When asked if his error contributed to the loss, Polanco responded, “you must be a hater, and I have more money than you, so shut up.”

White Sox starter James Shields was similarly stunned. “Once I threw that wild pitch allowing Joe Mauer to score, I figured that was it, game over,” he mused. “The Twins’ bullpen is as rock-hard as it gets in baseball. I can’t imagine how they blew this one.”

(Chicago long reliever Mike Pelfrey chuckled audibly in the background, muttering “rock hard ... blew this one.” The nature of his cryptic commentary was unclear.)

Despite the loss, Minnesota remains a half-game ahead of Kansas City and Los Anaheim Angeles for the second wild-card spot. A lot of baseball left to go, folks.

Per Rhett Bollinger, catcher Jason Castro (who left this game in the sixth inning due to concussion symptoms) is currently being evaluated by medical personnel. No determination has yet been made on his status.

Your Comment of the Game Thread goes to everyone, firstly because everyone who participates in comment threads makes sites like these work. If it’s not for you, there’s no point to anybody else hanging out here. Secondly, because I missed the whole dang game lying in bed and so I didn’t catch the funny comments. There’s always a ton of great ones. You’re some clever folk. That’s why I distrust you all enormously. Spooky-ass smart mfers.

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