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Blue Jays 10, Twins 9: Gee, that was a weird one

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Players weakened on Players’ Weekend.

Minnesota Twins v Toronto Blue Jays
This image is a lie because it’s from last night’s game. Be quicker, Getty Images.
Photo by Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images

On today’s episode of Twins Starters Lasting Less Than Five Innings, Twins starter Dillon “Dilloff” Gee lasted less than five innings. Plot twist! We’ll see what the folks at the AV Club have to say about this one.

The game started out reasonably even. Kendrys “Plural” Morales hit his 22nd homer of the season in the 2nd, a solo shot to center that gave Toronto the first lead. Jose “Jo Canada” Bautista plated Raffy “Laffy Taffy” Lopez with a sac fly in the following frame.

Marco “Rubio” Estrada had largely shut down the Twins until Eduardo “The EscoBAR Exam” Escobar tied the game on a 2-run shot in the top of the 5th. It was Double-E’s 12th roundtripper on the year, which ties his career-high set in 2015. He now has 39 career homers in 585 games. I might have guessed more.

But in the bottom of the 5th, it all came apart. Josh “Ringer of Brain” Donaldson brought some rain with a deep 2-run homer to make it 4-2 Jays. That was all Paul “Saint” Molitor needed to see, and Tyler “The Right Duff” Duffey was brought out in relief of Dillon “Pickle” Gee. The Doof walked the first man he faced, then allowed three straight singles and another RBI flyout.

This brought Ryan “You Ain’t Nothin’ But A” Pressly into the game, who allowed an inherited runner to score (8-2 Jays), threw a wild pitch, walked a guy, then finally escaped the inning. But the damage was done, and not even the Eddie “It’s-a Me” Rosario RBI sacrifice fly in the next inning would do much to make anybody feel better.

Pressly worked into the bottom of the 7th before Glen “Garry Glen Ross” Perkins took over with one out in the books and nobody on. He allowed a single to his first batter, but got the next two outs pretty quickly to retire the side.

But then -- but then -- my recap took a turn for the optimistic, as the Twins loaded the bases with two gone in the bottom of the 8th. The usual “it’s a trap” comments ensued, but Max “imum” Kepler said “screw your comments” and GRAND SLAMMED IT. Now a one-run game, Kennys “Oh My God, They Killed Kennys” Vargas grounded out to end the inning.

Then the bottom of the 8th happened. John “Two S’s For Some Reason” Curtiss walked a guy, and then that guy stole second, and then went to third on a poor throw. And then the right side of the defense let a ball drop in right field, and that guy scored. And then a wild pitch let THAT guy score.

Trevor “Would You Like Fries With That?” Hildenberger came in to mop things up, and struck out both guys he faced. Maybe he should have been in for the 8th to begin with? Who knows. Not me.

But then -- but then — BUT THEN — my recap took ANOTHER turn for the optimistic, as Zack “Rock On” Granite led off with a pinch-hit single and Justin “Where He Is, There’s Some Fire, Too” Smoak got Bill Buckner’d on a grounder to first. Suddenly, Brian “Number One Number Two” Dozier was up as the tying run. He singled, and it was a two-run game.

But then Joe “No Power” Mauer grounded into a run-scoring double play, and Jorge “Pol Dancer” Polanco grounded out to short, and the game was abruptly over. Would you rather we’d just been blown out instead? It’s a tough call, and another tough loss for the Twins.

STUDS:

1B Joe Mauer (3-for-5, 2 runs, now hitting .296 on the year)

RF Max Kepler (1-for-4, grand slam)

RP Ryan Pressly (2 IP, 1 H)

DUDS:

SP Dillon Gee (4 IP, 7 H, 4 ER)

RP Tyler Duffey (0.1 IP, 3 H, 4 ER)

RP John Curtiss (0.1 IP, 1 H, 2 ER, 2 BB)

ROBOT ROLL CALL: