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Twins 6, White Sox 4: Bring it on down to Polancoville

Jorge Polanco leads the Twins, ambidextrously, to victory

By Tawny Jarvi
Chicago White Sox v Minnesota Twins Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

Big Game James was more of a Big Lame James (this joke took me 40 hours to perfect, it is highly original do not use it without my permission.) against the Twins today, while Ervin Santana was extremely solid.

The Twins pierced James Shields’ game shield quickly in the 1st when Eddie Rosario fielder’s choiced a run in, advanced to 2nd on a wild pitch and then scored when Byron Buxton singled.

In the 3rd Jorge “Double Dongs” Polanco hit a solo dinger to right, while batting from the left side. This is important later so stow it away in your mind warehouse. In the 4th Eduardo Escobar added a run when he singled in Max Kepler.

Ervin Santana finally gave up a run in the 6th by letting Avisail Garcia hit an RBI double. However, the Twins small balled that run back in the bottom of that same inning. Kepler lead off with a double, moved to 3rd on a Kennys Vargas groundout, and scored on an Escobar sac fly. Tom Kelly would be proud!

As it often does, the 7th came after the 6th. Tim Anderson lead off with a double off of Ervin Santana, who then hit the next batter for good luck. After a groundout moved Anderson to 3rd, Yolmer Sanchez scored him with a sac fly. Trevor Hildenberger came in to face Jose Abreu. Abreu popped up to shallow center, but unfortunately the ball landed in the middle of, I think, every single player on the field, forcing Hildyboiga to try and play second basemen. Turns out he forgot how to catch a ball and than keep it caught, so Abreu took second base. It all looked real silly and Tom Kelly would not be proud.

In the Twins half of the inning, Polanco hit ANOTHER homer. If you’ll look back and see what side of the plate he hit his last one from, it wasn’t that one. Polanco joins a small group of Twins hitters to pull the feat of hitting a HR from each side of the plate in a single game!

Matt Belisle came in for the 9th (the 8th was boring.) and quickly induced a pair of ground-outs. In classic Twins closer fashion, he then walked a guy, let him take second, and then let him score when Abreu hit another single. Fortunately he then remembered the objective of the game is to get people out. Avisail Garcia struck out to end the game. TWINS WIN!

The Twins are now 68-63, while the White Sox are some other record that is bad.

STUDS:
Jorge Polanco best Polanco
Trevor Hildenberger: 4 Ks in 1.1 innings.

DUDS:
NAY TO DUDS, THINE TWINS WINNETH THY MATCH

Call

# Commenter # Comments
1 Brandon Brooks 72
2 SooFoo Fan 68
3 James Fillmore 57
4 montanatwinsfan 53
5 TawnyFroggy 44
6 TJ Gorsegner 44
7 less cowbell, more 'neau 29
8 Can't Read Good 25
9 MNWildcat 25
10 CG19 25
11 Coach Farmer 20
12 Joel Hernandez 17
13 DBTwinsfan 11
14 blackmankitteh 9
15 Lestermilk 5
16 Uncle Lincoln 2
17 Asthix 1
18 TeamCrazyMatt 1
19 Coolhandluke1 1
# Recs Commenter Comment Link
7 Brandon Brooks Shields' nickname is in reference to Fillmore's
7 less cowbell, more 'neau I thought that was Fillmore
6 Brandon Brooks [no title]
6 SooFoo Fan also rice
6 SooFoo Fan Ok well imagine theres a couple pictures of shields in there
5 TJ Gorsegner He left out the part at the end where they all go into the thunderdome
5 TawnyFroggy NOW I GET IT
5 Joel Hernandez It will definitely make your comments much cooler
5 montanatwinsfan I have BOTH wool AND wood!
5 Can't Read Good Little Trevor Hildenberger mopped his brow, softly. In fact you wouldn't really call it a mopping.
4 Brandon Brooks Did you pick it up and hand it back to him?
4 less cowbell, more 'neau That's what your mom said
4 Joel Hernandez You should not have put James in your will
4 montanatwinsfan I would say something about your mom taking a 40 man spot, but I'm not sure I wanna get banned - so I won't.
4 James Fillmore You have to add water
4 Brandon Brooks You should have said, "Thesis ridiculous!"
4 SooFoo Fan I think your net worth should be related to the number of memes you have stored on your computer
4 montanatwinsfan you'd probably be even more tired if you laid down in the middle of the street
4 TawnyFroggy The Walkoff FARTSLAM is my favorite play
4 montanatwinsfan anyone up for some jousting?
4 Brandon Brooks [no title]
4 TJ Gorsegner Then you guessed wrong!
4 less cowbell, more 'neau That's why God gave us cocaine
4 Brandon Brooks I did decide to forget that, actually
4 MNWildcat psssssssssssssst
4 montanatwinsfan shhh, why don't the two of you just go get a jousting room.
4 Brandon Brooks Every time I mention Wil Wheaton Wheaties sends me wheat
4 TawnyFroggy He really wants that DVD copy of Shark Tale
4 TJ Gorsegner Ah yes, the next generation of Mauer?
4 blackmankitteh the outfield shifts vs Mauer are always hilarious to look at
3 James Fillmore Close
3 SooFoo Fan If you get 4 of those you can exchange it for anything
3 Brandon Brooks Nerd
3 TJ Gorsegner Somehow I feel like that would make you like, Queen of the Nerds or something
3 TawnyFroggy Wait I'm 27.
3 Brandon Brooks The more tangential, at least
3 James Fillmore But when I do this the beer spills
3 less cowbell, more 'neau $25 mil and a no-trade clause
3 Brandon Brooks They were bringing it on down to Polancoville
3 Brandon Brooks Fielder Allows Runner To Advance Like A Real Moron!
3 TJ Gorsegner Thats what I love about those high school girls man, I keep getting older, and they stay the same age
3 James Fillmore Every time I mention D&D Wil Wheaton sends me a dollar
3 SooFoo Fan L8er nerd
3 Brandon Brooks [no title]
3 TJ Gorsegner Go Twins Go
3 Joel Hernandez hi
3 montanatwinsfan Nah
3 SooFoo Fan Wait
3 James Fillmore Lots of nerds in cities
3 SooFoo Fan It's real
3 SooFoo Fan [no title]
3 DBTwinsfan Thanks gang! I've got to hang 'em up for tonight.
3 Brandon Brooks Stay erect on the rubber
3 James Fillmore The Gathering
3 TawnyFroggy It wasn't when I was in highschool either.
3 montanatwinsfan ITS NOT A GAME!
3 TawnyFroggy All the COOL COMMENTERS at least
3 Brandon Brooks Big Shame James
3 Brandon Brooks What the hell, man
2 MNWildcat HI FIVE BRO
2 SooFoo Fan What is a leppo.
2 montanatwinsfan NOT TRUE!
2 Can't Read Good I had to take a cab to get home. Effing Royals couldn't become the effing unscoringest team of all time for my enjoyment. Effing Royals.
2 less cowbell, more 'neau Mmmmm... soggy bread... grgguggrbl
2 Brandon Brooks Don't get them started again
2 montanatwinsfan last season (or the one before that) some of you spent a BUNCH of my f*cking game time debating economic theory
2 montanatwinsfan well, it took you a full minute for god's sake
2 Joel Hernandez What's the deal with airplane prices
2 TJ Gorsegner Thrown Out On The Basepaths Like A Nincompoop
2 montanatwinsfan Joe Nathan signing a one day contract in order to retire as a Twin.
2 montanatwinsfan NO, GOOD GOD NO! WHAT IS EVEN WRONG WITH YOU?
2 Brandon Brooks Derek Falvey is one month older than Joe Mauer
2 TawnyFroggy Halfway through I thought that was going to a very dark place
2 TJ Gorsegner Q: Why did the Russian Leader need more time?
2 TJ Gorsegner of course we did, you do know what site this is
2 Brandon Brooks SouthSideSox.com
2 montanatwinsfan shhhhhhhhhhhhhh
2 less cowbell, more 'neau The weird thing is going to Ft Myers for Spring Training
2 James Fillmore Failed At Recognizing The Age Legally Allowing Rum Mixing?
2 MNWildcat But if they've got tiki torches, watch out.
2 Joel Hernandez Maybe if Jesus turn water into cocaine he wouldn't have been arrested
2 Brandon Brooks It's just another random link on the internet
2 TawnyFroggy I would finally be rich.
2 Brandon Brooks That's why I play OOTP
2 Joel Hernandez Is that where Buxton and Berrios got shipped
2 Brandon Brooks That's why they call it ice
2 Joel Hernandez Isn't this a fanfiction site?
2 TJ Gorsegner TUNNEL SNAKES RULE!
2 Coach Farmer Fillmore dropping the truth
2 TJ Gorsegner For clarity's sake... I usually had TV and radio both on (TV was usually a few second ahead, it gave a nice "heads up"
2 TawnyFroggy lolrosario
2 SooFoo Fan "Get it in there, get it inside"
2 SooFoo Fan Magic
2 SooFoo Fan Yeah, I got it
2 TawnyFroggy THIS IS A YU-GI-OH SITE
2 SooFoo Fan Kids, look away
2 SooFoo Fan believe in the heart of the cards
2 TawnyFroggy You would think
2 montanatwinsfan well, he's not TEHNICALLY dead.
2 James Fillmore Coke would now be a traditional party starter at Christian weddings
2 Brandon Brooks Angels winning, Yankees and Indians got rained out tonight, O's won
2 TJ Gorsegner This site seems to draw us in
2 TJ Gorsegner So much Pine Tar on Abreau's helmet
2 TawnyFroggy It certainly is going to be by the time I'm done with it.
2 Brandon Brooks Nah
2 SooFoo Fan I think its a steal
2 Brandon Brooks The more aligned to the right the comments are
2 less cowbell, more 'neau See my reply above
2 montanatwinsfan NOT NECESSARILY TRUE!
2 Brandon Brooks [no title]
2 TawnyFroggy I'm imaging some real good shields, thanks for posting these.
2 TJ Gorsegner Speaking of Nerds
2 TJ Gorsegner Now I wish I had moved there instead of here
2 SooFoo Fan It's perfect
2 Brandon Brooks I love imagining shields
2 James Fillmore Children Of The Corn
2 less cowbell, more 'neau Empty ones, I mean
1 montanatwinsfan The Italian Rennaisance Painter?
1 Coach Farmer Clever reverse jinx
1 Coach Farmer It makes everything cooler, babe
1 MNWildcat We're all just plastic dolls being stop-motion animated, maaaaaan.
1 Brandon Brooks Or never run out of bread
1 montanatwinsfan FARTALARM?
1 Can't Read Good [no title]
1 less cowbell, more 'neau The 5th Turtle
1 James Fillmore The Ninja Turtle
1 TawnyFroggy FARTALARM ALARM
1 Brandon Brooks Neither are any of our new right fielders
1 montanatwinsfan now
1 montanatwinsfan we
1 montanatwinsfan have
1 montanatwinsfan Well
1 montanatwinsfan .
1 MNWildcat doob'dahbahdooooobop
1 montanatwinsfan you forgot the part where they found him smuggling diamonds out of the mine in his rectum - that's my favorite part of the story
1 Brandon Brooks I didn't know you COULD dab gently
1 montanatwinsfan over
1 montanatwinsfan 500
1 Can't Read Good Nobody is going to make it this far!
1 Can't Read Good LOL
1 TawnyFroggy GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE
1 Asthix I am here now
1 Joel Hernandez I can say whatever I want now
1 montanatwinsfan comments
1 montanatwinsfan huzzah
1 SooFoo Fan NO
1 montanatwinsfan or, take notes
1 Can't Read Good goddamn millenials just do link humor better, don't they?
1 less cowbell, more 'neau What is Polancoville?
1 Can't Read Good [no title]
1 James Fillmore Houston perfectly doubled up the scoring on Minnesota in six games
1 SooFoo Fan forget what
1 Can't Read Good Now wait just a darn minute.
1 Can't Read Good Now wait just a darn minute.
1 CG19 The link I put in was literally "http://somelink.com"
1 James Fillmore Or never get out of bed
1 SooFoo Fan You can only lose once per game
1 Can't Read Good Dreamcast was my Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 console. In college. My freshman year.
1 montanatwinsfan So is Michael Jackson.
1 Can't Read Good Hildenberger looks exactly 1 month older than every 12 year old I know.
1 Brandon Brooks GOT HIM
1 montanatwinsfan yeah, that was pretty good. More serious than some of his others. Them is damned funny.
1 SooFoo Fan I ship it
1 SooFoo Fan Won't someone think of the children?
1 Coach Farmer Thanks, Debbie Downer
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Speak for yourselves
1 SooFoo Fan People on the internet talking about it helps
1 Can't Read Good Im out. I gave you guys a GIF for this.
1 Can't Read Good Specifically, I went to my local beer bar that loves Kansas City
1 TJ Gorsegner Being a nerd is cool now
1 SooFoo Fan you can put it on the board
1 montanatwinsfan too soon
1 TawnyFroggy : (
1 James Fillmore I remember buying a pack of cards for a Bday present for my brother
1 TJ Gorsegner Damn, I set that on a tee for you, didn't I
1 TawnyFroggy Too true.
1 Brandon Brooks Hey, baby, are you e4?
1 Joel Hernandez *Writes this down in notebook furiously*
1 Coach Farmer LOL @ overhearing Sue playing "Iron Man"
1 MNWildcat Woooo go Quiz Bowl!
1 SooFoo Fan Baseball is happening currently
1 TJ Gorsegner Sigh, I'm a nerd from the cornfield
1 SooFoo Fan It's so true that it's actually false
1 TawnyFroggy Why are we all cornfield nerds?
1 Uncle Lincoln Well, preferably 2-1
1 James Fillmore Boo
1 James Fillmore Me too
1 Lestermilk No Hawk?
1 CG19 I want Bert to do more games
1 TJ Gorsegner Yeah, not a huge fan of that combo. I want more of Torii or LaTroy next season
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Emergency! wasn't the same after Johnny left.
1 TawnyFroggy Literally anywhere I am not, would be my guess
1 Brandon Brooks Oh god not Dick and Roy
1 James Fillmore Sid Hartman
1 Brandon Brooks Joe's gonna try to pull it right back up the middle and he's gonna tap into a 4-6-3
1 Brandon Brooks Wow, Shields was angry
1 MNWildcat /twitches
1 SooFoo Fan Classic shields
1 Uncle Lincoln Really?
1 Brandon Brooks POLLY WANNA HIGHLIGHT!
1 Brandon Brooks Loaded like a freight train
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Pound min Twins!!!
1 James Fillmore Like a fine bottle of Night Train
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Let's go Royals!
1 Lestermilk Vargas why are you taking more than a two foot lead?
1 TawnyFroggy *WINK*
1 James Fillmore I want to live in a reverse Logan's Run
1 TawnyFroggy I'm having it now.
1 SooFoo Fan As a (super) senior in college, the freshmen girls here look really young
1 MNWildcat I'm still known to shotgun a beer once in a while.
1 TJ Gorsegner Alrighty, its been real, its been fun, its been real fun
1 TJ Gorsegner Yup! Don't you remember "Tales from a Not-Season"
1 Coach Farmer Shut it, Cowherd
1 TJ Gorsegner I'm a little bothered by the fact its my greenest comment tonight
1 James Fillmore Or pickle fans
1 Brandon Brooks (my jam)
1 Brandon Brooks They all look like plastic dolls being stop-motion animated in this gif
1 TawnyFroggy So why don't we kill him?
1 montanatwinsfan grow old, problem solved
1 montanatwinsfan Don't feel bad - THEY DON'T EVEN PUT THAT PART IN THE INSTRUCTIONS!
1 Brandon Brooks Leave your stupid comments in your pocket
1 TawnyFroggy You want me dead?
1 Coach Farmer Pickle Rick fans?
1 MNWildcat Just remember the immortal words of Matthew McConaughey.
1 James Fillmore The weird thing is remembering how old senior girls looked when you were a freshman
1 TJ Gorsegner Which one of the Marx brothers was he?
1 TJ Gorsegner I was about this [--] close to providing an actual answer
1 TJ Gorsegner The memeconomy, you are ahead of our times
1 TawnyFroggy Doesn't sound like a spectator sport.
1 MNWildcat I just flew in here
1 James Fillmore Matching the Twins on TOOTBLAN
1 blackmankitteh damn TOOTBLAN!
1 James Fillmore The Twins are leading 15-0 in binary
1 TJ Gorsegner I mean, I'm a bit of an Austrian School guy myself
1 James Fillmore A Piper Cub you can buy used pretty cheap
1 TawnyFroggy Yay Duluth
1 TawnyFroggy We're all cornfield nerds apparently.
1 Joel Hernandez Sup nerd
1 TawnyFroggy Not much. Played some Dreamcast today.
1 CG19 I see you guys had a long conversation about nerds while I was gone
1 Joel Hernandez Age is just like a number dude
1 DBTwinsfan Thanks!
1 DBTwinsfan I like it!!
1 Coach Farmer Uh, do you mean *blood* dome?
1 Can't Read Good Cannot comply. Need beer.

I hope you all had a nice Nation Be Mean to James Fillmore day! I really am down on my own recaps lately, because they all feel too similar. Thus I am declaring next month Gimmick Recap Month, where I will do really really dumb, but at least somewhat original things for each recap. Or at least one of them, if I don’t come up with anymore ideas. So fair warning to avoid those if you dislike wanton stupidity!

See ya!

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