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Twins 11, Brewers 4: It’s raining dongs, hallelujah

It is raining dongs, amen

MLB: Milwaukee Brewers at Minnesota Twins
Jordan Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Although the Brewers struck first on a well placed RBI bunt single by Keon Broxton in the second, this game would be in control of the Twins for the lion’s share of the game. Max Kepler brought the lead back to the Twins in the 3rd with a two-run dong. Little could he have known that this dong was the patient zero. The dongs are contagious. Ladies and gentlemen, please stay indoors. I repeat: The dongs. Are. Contagious.

After giving up a single and throwing a wild pitch in the fourth, Twins starter Adalberto Mejia would be pulled from the game experiencing arm pain. Hopefully it is nothing serious as the Twins need every remotely capable starter they can get. Tyler Duffy inherited the jam and allowed three men to touch his home plate. I wasn’t even going for innuendo there, but I guess it works. Man, I’m good at this!

No one remembers that though, because the Twins half of the fourth inning was an absolute monster. Eddie Rosario started the scoring with a solo bomb. Then Byron Buxton singled and Jason Castro and Jorge Polanco drew back-to-back walks. To the plate came noted dong-enthusiast Brian Dozier to face ex-Twin Matt Garza. Dozier proceeded to smash the crap out of the first pitch he saw and unceremoniously deposit it into the right field seats for the Twin’s first grand-dong of the year!

Props to some guy on Twitter for the video. Please don’t murder me for embedding this.

Not to be outshone by those glorious back-to-back walks, Max Kepler followed Dozier with a convincing solo blast for his second homer of the day, causing Tawnies everywhere to swoon.

Whilst Dillon Gee did the shutdown longman routine, the Twins kept padding the lead. In the 5th Eddie Rosario doubled his fun by stroking a second solo dong. This would be the first time the Twins had two players with multi-homer days in the same game since 2011 when Michael Cuddyer and Delmon Young did the dirty deeds.

Dozier doubled in some runs here and Polanco tripled in some more there. 11-4 Twinkies. Gee Gee Gee Gee, baby, baby, baby came back in for the 9th and got the rare 4 inning save. Also the rare 11-4 save (It was a save situation when he first came in.)

So that was cool. Twins move to one game under .500 with a 55-56 record, and gain some ground in the wild-card race as everyone but the Indians lose, apparently.

Dozier, Kepler, Rosario: Dong Trio with a trio of hits each.
Gee: Sweet relief.

Robbie Grossman: 0 outta 4

Row Row Fight The Bot Roll Call

# Commenter # Comments
1 TJ Gorsegner 31
2 SooFoo Fan 29
3 CG19 24
4 Can't Read Good 21
5 TawnyFroggy 21
6 Devereaux 17
7 less cowbell, more 'neau 15
8 gintzer 15
9 twinsgirl197 14
10 montanatwinsfan 12
11 Joel Hernandez 9
12 James Fillmore 8
13 Daniel Carlson 7
14 Pau from the sky-tinted water 7
15 blackmankitteh 5
16 Bb_referee 5
17 Petron31 5
18 Rahil Modi 2
19 Hayden A 2
20 gonzobob 1
21 Name-Game 1
22 Paul Bunyan 1
23 EVR92 1
# Recs Commenter Comment Link
6 montanatwinsfan Those are some fine looking ladies.
5 TJ Gorsegner It represents his potential to succeed :blush:
4 Daniel Carlson An inspirational poster for the Twins
4 Daniel Carlson Well now you're just taunting montanatf
4 TJ Gorsegner At least one of you will find this rather risque
4 TawnyFroggy The ol' 3 run grand slam
3 TJ Gorsegner Well, well, well, a slight variation
3 montanatwinsfan "B" for effort
3 montanatwinsfan didn't you rub some dirt on it?
3 Petron31 I don't trust people who pronounce it like it's peanut butter.
3 less cowbell, more 'neau Dillon jee not Dillon Gee
3 twinsgirl197 I'll shove my boyfriend out of the way if he goes for it
2 Daniel Carlson sssshhhhhhhh....
2 TJ Gorsegner I cursed him in the series preview
2 gintzer Most people in this world would probably consider themselves lucky to live a full life in Minnesota or Wisconsin. We are truly blessed to live in the Midwest.
2 Daniel Carlson wanna play that game...Well guess what, all the lines in this image are straight
2 Joel Hernandez Which is bigger
2 gintzer Don't read last night's gamethread. i unleashed the fury and unloaded on how bad Wisconsin sucks. Sorry.
2 TJ Gorsegner Gee, don't they have any other experienced MLB pitchers? Maybe a guy who is being wasted in the pen?
2 Can't Read Good This pleases me at the moment.
2 EVR92 Remember when it was impossible to go out to right in Target Field?
2 Can't Read Good Carl Pavano
2 SooFoo Fan What about a "leak"
2 Devereaux It was nice to check the standings this morning
2 twinsgirl197 Hey Dozier do that tomorrow night
2 James Fillmore Maybe a takeover is imminent
2 Joel Hernandez You can't ban me
2 TawnyFroggy Hi.
2 TawnyFroggy I miss when these gamethreads were hella active
2 Joel Hernandez hello
2 Rahil Modi Whoever wrote the Miguel Sano article is spot on
2 gintzer Beat the cheeseheads.
1 TawnyFroggy My favorite kind of fest
1 CG19 Now Kepler and Rosario both have 2 homers
1 TawnyFroggy Yeah.
1 gonzobob Gigolo
1 Bb_referee I wish I could rec this more than once!
1 Joel Hernandez It's a brand new game
1 TJ Gorsegner Eh, blame it on the same thing I do... east coast bias
1 SooFoo Fan @@@@@
1 Petron31 [no title]
1 Devereaux WTF
1 TawnyFroggy I blame it on being in lots of pain
1 gintzer they were saying today on AM1500 that the NFL is like heroin. Everyone knows it's no good, they just cannot stop taking the drug.
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Gig
1 SooFoo Fan That's *blood curdling screech*
1 TawnyFroggy He was always hot.
1 SooFoo Fan Kepler is starting to heat up.
1 Hayden A GO TWINS GO
1 blackmankitteh He had a .276 OPS in July. That's good, right?
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Aguilar: The Wrath of Sausage Gods
1 TJ Gorsegner Didn't you, ya know, write the preview?
1 less cowbell, more 'neau Maybe they can get tickets
1 TJ Gorsegner That sounds rather painful
1 TJ Gorsegner As usual, Louie did some outstanding analysis
1 Can't Read Good What was screechier?
1 SooFoo Fan If aint it well twinsgirl
1 CG19 Probably, but at least he was free
1 Daniel Carlson I think it's a leftover from the Kevin Jepsen era
1 TJ Gorsegner You should be entitled to a second medical opinion on that one
1 TawnyFroggy I didn't know you were a voodoo master
1 TJ Gorsegner Almost as good as the Saga of Jamie Garcia
1 TJ Gorsegner I think this is the first time "I missed Milone" has ever made sense on this site
1 TJ Gorsegner Keon Broxton even LOOKS like Bizarro-world Byron Buxton
1 TawnyFroggy This is only risque in Wales
1 TJ Gorsegner and Montana
1 gintzer Ron Davis (wince)
1 James Fillmore I can't believe he's not at FanGraphs yet
1 TJ Gorsegner Per Dick'n'Roy, yeah
1 SooFoo Fan A is 25, B is 20
1 TJ Gorsegner If you only do that once a day, you should see a doctor
1 TawnyFroggy I think James might actually be my father.
1 Can't Read Good Okay. Buxton has about 3 more days to get a few 4 hit games,
1 twinsgirl197 Spending the summer in Wisconsin
1 TJ Gorsegner Are you cheating on us with them?
1 CG19 It seems like he hardly ever gets caught
1 gintzer James is my brother from another mother.
1 TawnyFroggy I-I thought we were your family, James :disappointed:
1 TJ Gorsegner Could be nothing, could be trauma from one of many impacts with the wall
1 TJ Gorsegner He missed an opportunity not calling it "Bad Ass-tronomy"
1 Joel Hernandez I am more than a one hit wonder
1 Devereaux Jaime Garcia
1 SooFoo Fan So Cleveland just won 4-1 on a walkoff grand slam

Have a nice thing! See you at time!