Things you need to know about Bartolo Colon

Yesterday’s FSN broadcast listed three amazing facts about Bartolo Colon. It only made me want to find out more.

By Maija Varda Sep 1, 2017, 8:00am EDT

Minnesota Twins v Toronto Blue Jays — God damn, you sexy human being.

During yesterday’s broadcast of the Twins vs. White Sox game at Target Field, FSN displayed this amazing graphic about Bartolo Colon:

HOW IS BARTOLO COLON REAL? pic.twitter.com/YAKWG5rW2m
— Twinkie Town (@TwinkieTown) August 31, 2017

Those are all, 100% true facts.

Those amazing facts made me want to find out more about Bartolo Colon’s life. So I looked into it.

Thus, here are more 100% true facts (I’m not even kidding here) about Bartolo Colon you need to know:

Bartolo Colon grew up in a house in the Dominican Republic without interior plumbing, electric power, or running drinking water.
The Indians thought Colon was 18 years old when they signed him. He was actually 20 years old.
In the off season, Colon plays Friday night softball games in his home in the Dominican Republic—but exclusively as a hitter.
According to former and current teammate Ervin Santana, Colon is remarkably flexible:

“He’s very flexible, believe it or not,” said Santana, a rookie in 2005 and Colon’s teammate for three seasons. “He can lie on the ground and he can (lean forward and) touch his head to the ground, no problem. I don’t know how he did that, but I saw it.”

Colon keeps the game winning ball from each of his starts, decorating and numbering them artistically with colored pens. Here’s a picture of some.
Though Colon knows quite a bit of English, he insists—like Ichiro Suzuki—on using a translator to avoid being misunderstood, and perhaps to help shield his privacy.
During batting practice, Bartolo will sometimes stand at home plate and throw a ball over the outfield wall to impress his teammates.
Colon’s favorite pre-game music to listen to is Adele.
He loved his donkey, Pancho—a lot. In the baseball training facility he built in the Dominican Republic, Colon has a memorial to his beloved Pancho hanging on the wall.
Bartolo’s home town—Altamira—also has a baseball field with a life-sized statue of Colon at the entrance.

I just... can’t get over the fact Bartolo Colon is a real person. I could probably spend days look up more crazy facts about him. I love it.