Yankees 2, Twins 1: Garcia, bullpen silence Twins bats

In a low-scoring duel at a barely awake Yankee Stadium, the starting pitching of the American League’s top wild card team was precisely one run better than the second wild card team, as New York edged Minnesota 2-1.

Both starters were teammates earlier this summer for about a week, as you may have read on local blog posts and online forums.

The Yankees drew first blood, with Northeast Corridor strong person Aaron Judge belting a solo dong in the bottom of the first off Ervin Santana. The Twins starter went 5 and 2/3, and was pulled after loading the bases and allowing a Todd Frazier sac fly for the Bombers’ second run of the game.

Yankees starter Jaime Garcia was even more dominant against his former team, also going 5 and 2/3 innings and striking out nine. Garcia had, of course, been straight garbage for New York since getting traded. Of course. The only damage: a Robbie Grossman fielder’s choice in the fifth that plated Eddie Rosario.

When the games went to the bullpens, David Robertson did what he has done since dinosaurs roamed the motherfucking earth: get Twins out. HOWEVER, Dellin Betances was a hot mess in the 8th: HBP, sac bunt, walk, wild pitch, walk. DOUBLE HOWEVER, that just meant Aroldis Chapman came in to throw four pitches of 100+ MPH filth to strike out Joe Mauer and get Byron Buxton to pop up. He made short work of the ninth as well, and New York took game one of the series. The Angels were off, so Minnesota’s wild card lead stands at 1.5 games.

I hate the New York Yankees.

STUDS: Garcia, Robertson, Chapman

DUDS: The general feeling of hopelessness when the Twins play the Yankees.

ROBOT ROLL CALL

Enjoy the week everybody. Buy some antacids.